Alright, Reddit please be gentle but real w me! I need some help here.
Background: I (28F) am out of a recent long term relationship (6 years) with a 29M. I changed a lot in my young to mid 20’s, like most do, and that relationship no longer served me or the other person. It was toxic and I fell out of love at least a year before the relationship actually ended, but I tried everything I could to make it work (couples therapy, books, deep, honest, conversations, etc. and nothing helped us so eventually I told him I wasn’t happy & it ended (poorly, albeit, but I knew I was done at this point) a couple months ago.
Fast forward about a month after the breakup, and I meet someone at my gym who I vibe with very well. We have a lot in common – he’s hard working, mature, self sufficient, honest communication & open with his feelings (vastly different than my past), and he’s teaching me a lot about what it feels like to be comfortable with communication around difficult topics. He’s had difficult experiences in life that some people never have, and I deeply relate to him on these experiences – heart breaks of life, not partners. The only *downside* (for lack of better words) is the age gap and I don’t want to rush into another relationship. We’ve been talking for a little over a month, and things are developing faster than I expected. I feel scared bc I am developing feelings for this guy, and so is he for me. We had an honest conversation about it last night & we both admitted our feelings & had a difficult conversation around it. I feel scared bc I don’t want to let this guy go, I actually see a potential future with him, but I also know that I need time to really know myself again after 6 years in an unhealthy relationship that I wasn’t happy & lost myself in. I have people pleaser qualities that I’m working on breaking, I’m in therapy for the last 8 months & have been making lots of progress there, and I feel ready to allow myself to have feelings for this person. But I also still feel scared that I don’t want to rush anything or crush this person. He sees a future with me and he’s treating me like he wants me to be his girlfriend (his words), and I can see that in his action & his words. Of course that makes me feel good, but equally scared bc I feel like I need time before moving into another relationship. It’s not like he’s rushing me, and I’ve been up front about my need to not rush or move on too quickly (also note – not bc I’m not over my ex, bc I’ve been over that for a year, despite the break up being only a few months back and couldn’t be happier now and instantly was relieved when it ended). Me and my new man (20M) have been spending lots of time together, have the most amazing sex of my life, I feel deeply connected to him, and I see potential with him also.
My biggest concerns do I have love goggles on? Am I moving on too fast? Is the age gap stupid of me to look over? I’ve never dated younger, and I’m working through the self-judgement here. Everyone in my life has been super supportive of the age gap, and I expected everyone to judge me so that has been amazing and super relieving. I would love to hear some of your thoughts, Redditors! What would you do in this situation?