So I’ve (26f) been dating this guy (33m) for a couple months now exclusively. We met at work, and have worked together for about 2 years now.
We both refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, and he’s stated that he’s exclusive when he’s dating someone, but it’s sort of awkward because nearly all of his close friends don’t know I exist. The several that DO know of my existence only know because I work with them too. And when people ask if we’re dating he said he says “we’ve gone on dates.” He also says he really doesn’t like PDA, so we don’t really show any sort of affection out in public.
He likes to go to the bar sometimes with his best single guy friends. He goes out with all of his friends from our work, all single and ready to mingle, and invites the new girls for that reason, one of which he’s been talking to everyday on FB, (and liking all her selfies) who asked him before if he wanted to hangout just the two of them without the group to which he replied “I’m probably busy that day but I’ll let you know.”
I’ve never been invited to any of these. They’re all planned on days when I work the night shift (which is very rarely). Sometimes he times the hangouts so he can come pick me up from work after, usually questionably tipsy and routy, and tell me about it afterward and be affectionate.
He’ll also text me quite a bit when he’s with other people though, snap quick pictures of the food he got. He asks about work, but sometimes I wonder if that’s because I get hit on a lot, and he just wants to keep tabs on me.
I’ve thrown hints at meeting some of these friends, but he just brushes past it. He just planned a big 2 week trip to Chicago with a bunch of the nonwork friends in a couple weeks, so I don’t know what to think or how to feel about any of it really. I just tell him that I’m excited for him and I hope he has lots of fun, as I do every time he goes out places without me, but I feel pretty lonely and invisible.
TL;DR: He doesn’t seem to want to include me in his friend circles or claim me as his girlfriend around other people.
5 comments
He’s keeping you private to keep you as an option while also being able to look at other options as well. Dump him.
Ugh. Cut this one loose.
I’m sorry to say, but you’re not exclusive. The other commenter is right, he’s just stringing you along and keeping you as a fallback option while he sees other women. He’s probably doing the same thing to other women as well.
When a man, especially a man in his 30s, wants to be with a woman, he will make it known. Both in public AND in private. There won’t be any of this “maybe”, “brushing off the subject” shenanigans. Youre wasting your time with this guy. If he’s still acting like a teenager at 33, he’s never going to change.
Seriously, I know you like him, but you need to cut your losses and move on. He’s not, nor will he ever be committed to you. Find someone who wants you and won’t be afraid to show you off to the world.
Some people keep their business private especially if they are dating a coworker. But the fact he’s chatting up another work girl on his fb is sketch. And the fact these outings are always without you there is sketch.
What are you getting out of this “relationship”?