Throwaway account because she knows my reddit.
I will try to make the background as short as possible. My ex and I both live abroad, I moved first for a PhD and he followed for a master’s. 5 months ago he ended our almost 8 year relationship, after lying to me about what was bothering him for half a year and cheating on me in the end to make it easier for him to disconnect. I felt unloved many times throughout our time together, mainly because he was not good at listening, communicating (either shutting down or talking about ending our relationship whenever things were hard) and never giving me compliments/ making me feel special, but it was not absolutely horrible and there was love. However, the end was traumatising for me. After an amazing summer together, I went back to work and he stayed back in our home country on holidays with his friends. I was excited to see him and when he returned he was a completely different person. Distant, depressed, cold, manipulative. After two weeks of him denying cheating twice, hanging out with my friends he was indifferent about before and acting cold and disgusted around me he replied to my “Who are you texting?” with a “Why do you care? we have already broken up.” And this is how I learned we were broken up.
The said friend is not my best friend but we were pretty close. She had never been close with my ex before the break up. I asked her to give him some stuff after he moved out, because I did not want to see him, and I guess this is how it started. They starting hanging out all the time. She started cancelling plans with me alone or together with our other friend and the few times we met, she admitted having seen my ex 4-5 times since the last time we saw her. I brought up to her twice about how this is painful for me and that I feel betrayed, since she is aware about how much he hurt me. She came up with excuses that it is always in a group setting, that they do not talk about personal stuff and that I am her real friend etc. They still hang out regularly and I have not seen her for 3 weeks after she cancelled plans twice. She is slow responding to texts and almost never texts first.
This whole situation is making me feel miserable and that my pain because of my ex’s betrayal and the break up is being invalidated. Is this friendship doomed? Is this even a friendship?
TLDR
Friend started hanging out with my ex after we broke up and continued hanging out with him, even more regularly, after I told her this hurts me.