My ‘39F’ boyfriend ‘35M’ can’t seem to understand my anxiety and low self-confidence…we’ve been together for 13 years now, we have 2 kids, a house and a dog. (disclaimer, English isn’t my first language, if I write something weird, let me know \^\_\^; )
I’ve been battling with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) most of my life, I’m seeing a therapist to try and help. I’m at a point in my life that I can’t seem to want to think of myself, I feel guilty if I’m not thinking about my kids (2yo and 4yo), our house or our dog. I want time alone with myself to try and actually think of me, but most of the time I’ll just go to bed cause I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel like doing the things I like…
I’m trying to make my BF understand that it’s difficult for me when he doesn’t support me. He’ll want to help me become a “better person” by telling me what I do/say that can be annoying to others, but it’s usually non-constructive criticism, and even though I tell him it doesn’t help me, that’s still how he tries to help me… And when I’m trying to discuss something with him, he has the habit of wanting to mention the “other side of the medal”, but it always feels like he’s discrediting what I’m thinking/saying… as if the other side of the medal was the right way of thinking… I’ve told him about this as well recently, but haven’t seen much improvements…
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It feels like he doesn’t really like who I am… I’m impulsive, I like to talk and share a lot…Yet he hates smalltalk, I often feel like I’m bothering him… This weekend he pretty much told me I should ask him if I can talk about something he shared with me. I should ask him if what he shared was as a confidence, and if I could talk about it… (situation : kids’ swimming lessons, he overheard a parent asking why a child with bruises around his mouth was allowed to go in the water… it’s our kid, he fell on the brick sidewalk earlier during the week and he has eczema… I had been wondering if I should tell the swimming monitor/teacher about what happened, so when my BF told me about the parent comment, when I went to get my kid back, I told the monitor/teacher he had fallen and that it was nothing contagious. it so happens that one of the parents who my BF overheard was there, so imo, they wouldn’t think we’re shitty parents sending contagious kids to their swimming lessons, and also they’d know our kid didn’t have anything contagious)
I feel like he’s trying to control what I say and do, and he wants me to be someone else entirely… I’m having a hard time explaining all of this to him, and it feels like he really can’t understand what I’m saying… To him, what he’s saying is perfectly fine to say because he himself constantly wants to become a better person, so why shouldn’t I aim to do the same? But the things he wants me to change are my core beliefs, they are my core person… We’re seeing a couple counselor, but if you guys have any tips or tricks, if you can help me find the best way to address this with the couple counselor, it’d be very appreciated… We both have to adjust in order to be better people, better parents and a better couple, but I don’t think it’ll get anywhere if he can’t understand my anxiety, my low self-confidence and that he’s controlling…
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TL;DR : Need help to make my boyfriend (35M) understand how his comments appear controlling and make me feel like a crappy person