33F and 36M have been together for 6 years. He was a bad alcoholic for the first 4 years. We both drank a lot but he drank so much. I got sober first because I just couldn’t hang anymore then I was going to leave so he got sober. We got pregnant a couple months into our relationship. Which has been hard. I’ve tried to go above and beyond trying to maintain a happy healthy house. I can only do so much myself. If I ask for help there is always comments. Or if he does clean or help he has to point it out and show me… in the beginning I wanted sex all the time and he would turn me down. So I’d lock myself in the bathroom after he went to bed to masterbate. I’ve voiced over and over that I don’t think we are sexually compatible and now just to the point I’d rather be with my vibrator then have sex with him. Foreplay it does not exist and it just feels like I’m being pounded. It deeply makes me sad and makes me feel like I’m gross or not good enough. I feel like we just co exist and like we are just besties and not lovers. I’ve voiced this. After getting mad he proposed the same night…. If we go on dates it’s me making it happen. I’m in charge of All choices I feel like… I don’t want that. I’d like to be taken out and surprised sometimes.but at the same time I’d rather just go on adventures together with our kid…. But then he kinda complaines about so much stuff instead of just stepping up and doing things. I always feel like I’m on edge or might upset him if I don’t do everything or if I even ask if he would want to go on a walk after he gets off work.
5 comments
Went through something similar with an ex, unfortunately it doesn’t get better and a lot of men tend to get complacent/take their partners for granted. It sounds like he’s most likely depressed but he would have to be willing to seek help/get diagnosed. It sounds a whole lot easier said than done, but have you suggested a heart to heart or therapy? Also I find texting serious conversations is a lot easier than speaking face to face.
The only thing I can suggest is communication. Just speak even if you think it’s something he doesn’t want to hear. Sometimes she have to hear it to realize you could be losing everything
I’m seeing more and more of this type of scenario where women are going unfulfilled by guys not obviously cheating.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this but I feel your pain. Physical intimacy is an amazing bonding experience and without it a relationship can really suffer.
Yep all men are like this. Blame them, don’t self-improve, repeat the same actions.
Enjoy!
Before I give an answer, I need to ask if you kept the baby?