Recently I (M18) have been finding it really difficult to initiate or have sex with my partner (19m).
Im not sure if it’s sex anxiety or something else and I’m not really sure how I can explain it other than eating when you’re already full? Like mentally I want sex and intimacy etc but my body just doesn’t?
I’ve been on multiple different antidepressants which completely broke my sex drive, I lost pretty much all feeling down there and it’s been around 2 months since I’ve stopped taking them but It still feels like don’t have all of my feeling back, however it’s still a lot better then what it was. Say a couple years ago, sex felt amazing and now it just feels like I’m wearing multiple condoms lol.
My partner’s also taking this personally, she’s been getting pretty upset when I have to kinda shut her down and it’s started making me feel pretty pathetic, we went from multiple times a day to once every couple days so I understand where she’s coming from.
I dunno what else to say but I appreciate any and all help 🙂
5 comments
Absolutely share with her what you’ve just written here. It’s not about her and that’s something that she needs to hear. When she brings it up again afterwards, gently remind her. Continue looking for a way forward, so she knows you want to get back to some kind of “normal”.
Maybe maybe. Try going to the gym, kegel exercises. Pelvic floor muscles, I believe are your sex muscles!
I’m assuming you’ve communicated to her about what the medication did to you?
Culturally we kind of learn that men’s sexuality is “easier” than ours. So if a man is not getting hard or not seeking out sex, it means he’s not interested in us, we aren’t sexy enough, etc.
Even if she may understand logically that you are being affected by your medication, she’s may be feeling some insecurity about it, and you can’t really reason with emotions. If you don’t know what she’s really feeling when she gets upset, you need to dig and ask her. On her side, understanding what she’s really feeling and realizing that it’s at odds with the logic of the situation can help her be more aware of it.
I don’t have experience with antidepressants, but I remember sex advice columnist Dan Savage writing about libido mismatches and he suggests that the lower libido person can assist the other person in getting off, and its possible that seeing her get off will turn you on. In that scenario there’s no pressure for you to get turned on. Sometimes when you take the pressure off, things can happen organically.
Sounds like a lack of testosterone to me. How active are you? At your age I was training 15 hours a week (swimming) and rode my bicycle to and from the pool (12km). No issues in that department. In my older years (45) it started so asked my Dr and told be be more active so I started swimming again only 3 times a week for an hour but that same sex drive is around 75% or what it was when I was 18. Exercising affects you in many ways.
I’m a M29, i also just got off antidepressants which killed my sex drive, im in a similar situation. It took about 2 weeks for the antidepressants to get out of my system and get my sex drive back, but still only having sex 1-3 times a week with my gf.. multiple times a day is easy to do as a kid.