I’m going to have to preface with some context before I open this can of worms.
I (23f) live with two male roommates, Sam (24m) and Robert (25m).
Sam and I have been best friends since we were kids, and if you would’ve asked me a couple months ago, I’d tell you I’d trust this man with my life. After getting screwed over by my old roommate Gabby (that’s a whole different story in itself), I was left in a pinch to find a new roommate quick. Sam told me he was back in town after college, and looking to move more locally, so I asked him to move in with me to cut down on rent. This was around summer 2022, when rent prices were starting to skyrocket in my area. I was a little hesitant at first, because early on in our friendship he confessed he had a huge crush on me, and I turned him down. This caused a falling out that lasted a couple years. After reconnecting and talking to him about it, we were able to move past it and he assured those feelings were long gone. We lived together for a year, and within that year his feelings for me came back. It caused a lot of issues in the living situation, and we almost didn’t renew our lease with one another.
During that year, we met Robert. Robert was dating my ex roommate Gabby. To paint you a picture, Gabby was as disgusting on the inside as she was on the outside (and 100% of the reason why we didn’t get our rent deposit back). She was like season 2 Jerry from Rick and morty. Roping people in with a self victimizing complex and then screwing them over, only to cry wolf to the next person she leeches off of. She still owes me over 3k in rent expenses, since she’d rather blow her paychecks on shopping at the mall for useless decor. The thing with Gabby is that she was a hopeless romantic, with emphasis on hopeless. She would screenshot her conversations with Robert, send them to me, and ask what to respond with. I would sit there and help her orchestrate a perfect romantic response every time. They were absolutely smitten with each other, but he confided in me that she was completely different in person vs over text which is where this all starts going downhill. Oops. Well, I eventually cut Gabby off (finally) and Robert went with her.
However, Sam was one of those guys that had a lot of girl friends and not a lot of guy friends, and he really missed the connection he had with Robert as they could talk about stuff he can’t talk to girls about. After a month or two, I reached out to Robert and suddenly, it was Sam, Robert, and I all hanging out without Gabby. We all hung out through the year, Robert dumped Gabby after realizing she was a lying mooch that wasn’t going anywhere with her life, and eventually (to kinda save Sam and mine own roommate situation) we invited Robert to live with us at the next apartment.
~~~ Backstory context over ~~~
Sam, Robert, and I have been living together for about 9 months at this point. I lost both my jobs prior to move in, and was living off of savings for 8 months. I could’ve lived off of it for about a year if I needed to, but Robert also lost his job about 3 months into our lease. That meant for about 5 months I was covering mine and Robert’s rent (why do I do this to myself?) The money was starting to run out, so I asked Robert if I could turn his room into a tattoo studio (since he regularly crashed on the couch or slept in the hammock on the balcony) and he could move his stuff into my room. He was more than willing, as he’s covered in tattoos himself, and I was giving him free tattoos in exchange for the room space. The night he moved his stuff into my room, I was out on a date with my new boyfriend, so it was just Sam and Robert at the apartment. According to Sam, the night Robert moved his stuff into my room 3 MONTHS AGO, he got a notification on his phone that a camera got added to the wifi. He immediately blocked it from the wifi, and said nothing about it for 3 months.
That brings us to last week. Robert and I finally got jobs, so Robert was at work (and planned to crash at his parents’ place after) and I had an off day where it was just Sam and I at the house. We had 3 TVs set up so we could watch anime while both playing Elden ring in the same room. I noticed there was some weird energy between Sam and Robert, but it was emanating off of Sam more than anything. I decided to question Sam, and after some pressure he finally told me about the camera. My. Heart. Fucking. Sank. Pardon my French. We immediately started tearing through my room trying to find it. After some searching, we found it inside one of those styrofoam mannequin heads, hidden under a mask.. Right above my bed, and it was plugged in. I felt super sick to my stomach, but I wanted all the answers before I started jumping to conclusions. I immediately called Robert, but his phone was going to voicemail over and over. Either indicating I was blocked, or his phone was dead. So I reached out to his sister through Instagram, who went and woke him up. She called me on Instagram and handed him the phone. As calmly as possible, I started questioning him about the camera, while my roommate was not being very calm.
Robert admitted to setting up the camera immediately, but said he was using it and the cord as a counterbalance to hold the mannequin head up so it wasn’t top heavy and falling off of the bookshelf it was on. That made somewhat sense, as the other two mannequin heads also had some counterbalance structure holding them up. He then told me he intentionally blocked it with black paper and although it was plugged in, there was no sound and it couldn’t see through the paper. I felt relieved for only a moment, until my roommate put the mask and the head together and realized that the black paper was unfortunately on the wrong side.
Robert says it was a mistake, but Sam brought up the fact that the black paper conveniently covers up the white of the mannequin head, so I wouldn’t be able to notice a difference in the eyes of the mask (as the camera lens was also black in the other eye). I still don’t believe Robert would do anything like this, as he has never expressed any romantic interest towards me, and never violated my privacy or trust before. Plus, he has been regularly helping out my parents lately, so I don’t understand how a man could look my family in the eye and do something like this. I really need some outsiders perspective, as I’m too close to the situation.
I’m also very upset at Sam, he did block the camera from wifi, but neglected to unplug it or tell me for 3 months in fear of “messing up the living situation” (and his explanation sounded more in his self interest than anything).
People of Reddit, help me out here, what should I make of this situation? I haven’t really been home since the news, and I don’t feel comfortable going back until my mind is clear.