I’m from the rural south, where the dating culture is a very different scene, am a pretty late adopter to online culture, and considered an odd duck in general, which is why I came here to ask this question.
A girl and I matched on an app and had been texting back and forth and video-chatted a few times as well. Then, a day goes by, I text her as normal, don’t get much response, she seems a bit down. No problem. Next day, send regular texts, she responds that she’s going out with someone today she’d been talking to before me, but “don’t worry I’m not backing off”. I told her I hoped she had a nice time and left it at that. Here’s the confusion: To me, that is basically a very polite rejection, or basically implies “I’ll come back and talk to you if this person doesn’t work out.”, which for me is no bueno. In my mind it’s expected in the early stages of getting to know someone that of course they’re talking to other people, we aren’t anything and not exclusive, haven’t even met. I’m also polyam and it says so on my profile, so it’s not the additional people that bother me, it’s feeling like an option/backup plan. You either like me enough you want to be with me, or think I’m not that great. No hard feelings.
I hadn’t really been expecting any further contact. She messaged me at 11:32 at night asking how my day was, and saying she hoped she didn’t upset me. Not really, just from my point of view indicated she’s not that interested, so I’ll move along. I like this girl, but I already carry most of the conversation, I’m not gonna keep putting in effort to woo if I’m competing with someone she’s more interested in. I asked a younger friend and she said it’s normal to inform people you’re talking to that you’re talking to other people in her experience, and I haven’t really played the game by this rule-set before, so maybe it’s me that’s silly? What do you all think?