I matched with this girl on Tinder. We chatted for a few weeks and then we had out first date. The date was very nice, with a lot of intimacy .. we spend the night and leave her house at 14hs ..
After that, she distanced herself a little .. so I sent her a “hello” message .. and while chatting about how good it was and planning the next … I logged in into the app .. and saw her online, while she was keeping asking questions about the next date. So I said to her “I am seeing you in the app while talking to me. I don’t understand why. this matter to you? wanna continue seeing each other ?” (or something like that) …. So we start talking about that and she told that was saying goodbye to a match because she wanted to keep getting to know me (And also she told me that she was in the app because she was scared by so much intimacy and intensity of the first date …. so, many contradictory messages )..
We continue talking about that, and I don’t remember how the topic came up (maybe sincericide)… But she told me the reason why I am writing this, and that is that she has an ex from 7 years ago, whom she dated for a year, but that she still sees him and talks to him and has sex from time to time\*\*.\*\* She also told me that during those 7 years, she had 2 boyfriends who lasted 1 year each… one good, the other toxic and controlling (maybe because of this ex-casual-sex-partner?)
I told her that this made me very uncomfortable and that I wasn’t going to be able to build anything with something like that. She assured me that it wouldn’t be a problem and that all of her exes knew about this and that she went out to eat with him during her courtship, but that during that time they didn’t have sex or anything like that.
She also told me that she knew both of his girlfriends, a closed relationship and an open relationship… in the open relationship she had sex with him.
She told me that he was with her in very difficult times and that he was very important to her and that she was not going to cut him off of her life… but that have nothing to worry about
We continued talking about the subject and it seemed to have no end… we met the next day to talk about it and we both maintained the same position, until we remained silent and she told me “What would happen if I talk to him and tell him that she was not going to have more contact with him, because she is getting to know someone and maybe it will be permanently.”
So we talked about it some more and agreed that I was going to trust her and that she was going to do that.
I talked about this with two psychologist friends, and with my psychologist… they all told me the same thing, that she is not going to stop talking to this person, that she is probably manipulating me with this “triangulation” and that I should stay away from this person.
I would like to continue getting to know her… she seemed sincere to me when she said it. but the situation does cause me fear and insecurity… it’s hard for me to come up with fun topics of conversation, because I’m thinking about that.
I’m going to see her in two days (so I spend the morning of my birthday with her) and then she goes to town for the weekend to see her parents… So I hope I can have a good time with her and make good memories and be able to continue seeing her… but it’s hard for me not to worry about that…
I really think she was sincere while we talked. but also she put a lot of effort in not cutting out this person of her life, so maybe she was just pleasing me so we could keep knowing each other
Any Advice ? should I stay? should I go ?
How can make this easier for me ?
Any advice about how to be able to accept more this situation ?
tl;dr: I met a girl on tinder, she is looking for a relationship, but also she told me that she has an ex from 7 years ago, whom she dated for a year, but that she still sees him and talks to him and has sex from time to time. She also told me that during those 7 years, she had 2 boyfriends who lasted 1 year each. And during that time she didnt have sex with him.. and that i have nothing to worry about it. After talking a long time, she told me that she will talk to him and say that she is starting something with someone and that maybe(if all goes good) its the last time they talk to each other … and that i will have to trust that. talked to some psychologists and they said to me to run away and that is probably manipulating me … I really think she was sincere while we talked. but also she put a lot of effort in not cutting out this person of her life, so maybe she was just pleasing me so we could keep knowing each other