I have a lot of past trauma but the past few years (after being married 15 years) we have been exploring the kink side of our lives. We had a gf for a year who we still live but aren’t physical with. We joined a sex club and have made some friends. We have only done parallel play alongside others in this large VIP area – but only played with each other.
The thing is I have found in all this – I’m not bi. I can be with a girl but it’s for the girl or my husband or the group we may be with.
It’s the wetness. I mean I don’t want dry sex. I squirt sometimes, too. But like – all the slimy and wetness makes me like – uncomfortable. I get in my head about it. Women are obviously- wetter.
My husband LOVES everything sex. He loves visual stimuli and physical stimuli and the sounds and the feelings… all of it. He can do a LOT of things. And for the most part, I’ll do whatever he wants.
I don’t even care if he’s with other women as long as they have a good vibe and they’re safe but he doesn’t want to explore that at all without me or date other women.
It’s weird. I use to be a jealous person but seeing him be so fulfilled with another beautiful woman that I also love deeply is so rewarding and I just don’t think it would bother me if he were with any other women.
Anyway, back to the sensations. Is there anyway to help me get past this? I feel like it would help me in the future as we push more into possibly being in the lifestyle.
I’m also anxious that other men won’t be as kind/patient with me when I have my “icks” that seem like not a big deal to others.