I’m 26 M. I’m more of an introvert, my friends see me as calm and steady, maybe even a bit emotionless. Since I first got the taste of love years ago I keep craving for someone to be with, but usually whenever I find someone good, I tend to pull away, meaning likely I don’t have any feelings. When I was 22, I met a girl (21f at that time, she’s 25 now), an extrovert, and a very creative person, and she ignited very intense feelings in me, which I think might be love, and I’m taking it as a benchmark to what love is. But even a few years later, these feelings haven’t faded even a bit. I’m not sure if it’s love or obsession anymore.
More about this girl – we connected on Tinder about 3,5 years ago, had a few dates, and it was unlike anything I’d felt before. But the timing wasn’t right for me (or I was stupid), and we lost touch. My life got busy, I moved countries, and my dad got sick. He eventually passed away, which was a difficult period.
Around this time (about 1,5 years ago), this girl reappeared in my life, which brightened things up for me. We connected again, and she moved to the country I live in (mostly because of a job, but she told me if she didn’t have any contacts here she wouldn’t have come). There were no intimate moments, nothing like that, she kept strong boundaries and told me she doesn’t want to be in a relationship at this point in life, and our personalities are too different. Still, we spent a lot of time together, and almost all her free time she would come and spend with me. After her words, I tried dating again to move on and to calm down this craving for feelings, but nothing clicked like it did with her.
However, I did somehow end up in a relationship with another girl (24f), who loves me, and it’s been going on for 6–7 months, but I’m not sure if I feel the same way. I’m comparing the feelings to this benchmark of feelings with the first girl, and it’s nowhere near that, even if I do care about her. Ending it seems like the right thing to do, but hurting someone who cares about me is the last thing I want to do, and I’m also not sure if it is a good decision to end it as well, considering that rationally she is a very good match for me. What if I never find someone in the future who brings back such strong feelings? From this point of view, my current relationship seems alright.
While this relationship was going on, I was spending quite a lot of time with the first girl. At some point, she tells me she’s going back to her home country, and kissed me before leaving. Those were a few very intimate kisses, and it got me thinking. She told me I’m a very likable guy, but she wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed to focus on herself, and that all the relationship stuff distracts her from reaching her goals and establishing a strong and safe position in life, she wants to concentrate on this first, and not on relationships, and I’m taking these words as a long-term hint?
However, I’m with someone else who appears to love me, and I am really confused with this whole situation. Is there a possibility that the first girl has something towards me? If the answer is positive, ending my current relationship seems like the right thing to do.
But even if I don’t end up with the first girl, I can’t shake these feelings towards her off, and I’m worried I won’t find someone else who could make me feel this way, what are the chances? Should I try to let go of them both and move on, hoping to find someone who makes me feel this way again and is also a good match? Should I end my relationship with the second girl, considering that I don’t have strong feelings, but rationally she is a very good match for me? Or am I too young and taking this too seriously?
\*\*TL;DR; : In a relationship with a great girl, but for a few years I’ve been in love with another who’s hesitant about me. I can’t help myself, this feeling never leaves me. Not sure if I should stay in my current relationship, considering there’s no strong feelings but she’s a good match for me, or end it in hopes that the girl I love will make up her mind. Or try to forget them both and look for someone who could ignite these strong feelings again, if it’s even possible.