A lot of background story but will try to keep it short.
My husband and I live out of state , he’s in the military. 9 hours away from his hometown. We just had our first baby in September who’s now 5mo old. We have two German shepherd dogs who have recently shown to be aggressive towards strangers, around everyone but my mom so we take them with us when we go to my hometown to visit and stay with her. We have one car but he works ten min from home and can leave whenever he wants.
The week of Thanksgiving his childhood best friend had passed away and he was really upset. He passed from suicide and my husband blames himself for not realizing, not talking to him anymore. He does suicide prevention classes in the military and felt he could’ve stopped it.
He wanted to go to his funeral and even though I didn’t want to be alone with our newborn baby I felt I would’ve been horrible to tell him not to go to a funeral. He was going back and forth on wanting to leave us alone or not and then there was a huge snowstorm he couldn’t have even drove in with our car, so the decision was made for him not to go.
He had mentioned he wanted to take a trip in spring (talking about all of us) to see his friends family and his own, get closure by visiting the place his friend shot himself.
Now the other day he said he’d be going soon. I said alone? He said I am welcome to come if I wanted. He’d be staying with his aunt and uncle who we definitely can’t take our dogs to as they’re older and don’t like animals to begin with but my dogs are just bad around other people. We don’t think we can pay anyone to come take care of them because if a stranger just walks in the house I don’t think it’d be good.
He then says he had to go in a specific date because it was his friends birthday. He said. A day or two (but it takes a day of driving to get there and a day back so not sure what he means by that) My mom was visiting us this weekend and I asked if he could go then so I wouldn’t be alone/without a car with the baby. He said that wouldn’t work he had to go on his birthday. As soon as he realized I didn’t want to be alone he got mad and said he wouldn’t go. Long story short he says I’m the most selfish person he’s met and will pretty much resent me for the rest of his life for this. I told him to just go but he refuses now. Told him so many times.
He gets mad whenever I try to talk about why I feel the way I feel, gets mad and leaves. Won’t entertain my idea of getting this second car that’s in our price range. Just me mentioning that made him isolate from me and spam me with messages how mad he is about it.
Any advice on what I can do? Am I really as horrible and selfish as he says?