Far too much has happened in the 2 weeks since my last post about my girlfriend’s need to remind me of how she’s the better looking one. With dozens of replies reassuring me that the treatment was unacceptable, and her poor/hostile communication, I knew something big had to be done. A couple days after that post I sat her down, and told her how she treated me was going to change, or we were finished. I explained how her rude comments affect me (I have explained this before but she has always shut me down), and how her refusal to communicate meant little things turn into big things.
This talk went terribly. She laughed at me, said she couldn’t take me seriously. She did say things would change but with no sincerity. So I packed her things while she sat in silence and took them to my car (this took a good 15 minutes). When I told her “let’s go” she refused to. Eventually I told her she was leaving or I was calling the police, and she left, only to come back crying and begging for another chance. Now, I know everyone will be disappointed, but I agreed to at that point. And instantly regretted it. That night, there was no passionate make up. She scolded me for wasting her night by “being dramatic” and turned over to sleep.
This story does have a surprising twist tho. Maybe it sunk in over night, but the next day she became far, far better. She had a 15 hour shift, but face timed me every 2 hours she was on break. The day after, we had a genuine conversation about why sex slowed down (it was pretty surface level, but much appreciated). All comments about other men stopped (she let one slip about a celebrity on a show we watched together, and apologized but at that point it didn’t bother me at all. She just said he was hot). Things were turning up, and getting better daily. The following days, sex returned. Not to what it was, but when it didn’t happen, there was gentle communication.
Things REALLY broke last Friday. She was accepted for her dream job, on the opposite side of the country. While the day was full of excitement and celebration, when we went to bed, she broke out into uncontrollable crying. It was by far the most intense cry I’d ever seen from her, not even close to the emotionless stone wall I’ve been dating recently. She gripped me like I was going to try to break free and cried into my chest. She said “I don’t want to move, I can’t lose you”. This is what I wish I heard when I tried ending things, but I was getting it now, when things were good. After this, without me saying anything, she opened fully to me. She explained how she knew she was hurting me, and it although it wasn’t an excuse, it was her trying to protect her heart. Not to share too much of her past, she had been the victim of terrible abuse in her only 2 relationships. She went on about how I’m the greatest thing to ever happen to her, and I’m far more precious than a job. I told her to take the job, it’s her dream and she worked hard for it. She wept hard, and said “I’m never treating you poorly again. You deserve the world”
Since then, things are so immensely different. I’m showered with compliments, she goes extremely out of her way to make my day. It’s almost whiplash, being treated this way. She’s bought me gifts and made dinner and complimented the things I’m most insecure about. We had the talk about sex I really needed: she essentially confessed (again, unprompted) she’s realizing that the abuse she went through had a permanent effect on how she sees sex in a relationship. She says she’s not sure she wants sex multiple times a day or even daily, and my sex drive makes her feel a little insecure about her ability to provide for me. I reassured her she’s so much more than enough and we both felt better.
I’m not stupid. It’s only been a couple weeks, and I know abuse comes in cycles. It’ll be a long time before I truly “forget” how she made me feel. But if there was a “best outcome” where we stay together, this is it. When she slips up, we communicate and smile and forgive. She puts in all the effort. If things keep going like this (which I don’t really except them to) my life will be a dream with my very pretty, intelligent, and charismatic girlfriend.