My partner and I (both about 30 years old) have been together for under a year and it is a fantastic relationship. However, recently I have been finding that as hot as I find my partner, my physical desire to have sex has diminished. My body is far less sensitive and while I enjoy the closeness still, I find that I’m not as interested in the experience. My partner also isn’t super sexually focused and doesn’t find sex to be his preferred way of emotionally connecting (we’ve been having sex most days still, but he would be totally fine having sex 2-3 times per week or less) and is a considerate, but rather quiet and tame lover. I’ve voiced my desires to add some dirty talk or novelty or primal dynamics or more romance to our sex, and he tries, but often will try one thing and then go back to sex as usual. Example, if I ask him to talk dirty to me, he will say one thing and that’s it. I know part of it is discomfort and I’ve sent him material on how to improve at dirty talk, but I think he’s just generally not all that interested because he’s fine with it as it is and it requires him to stretch out of his comfort zone when he kind of blanks out during sex. Generally, our sex is good – we go down on each other regularly and we aren’t too focused on orgasm, though if we can, we both do, often. I do like our sex, I just don’t know why I’m so disinterested all of a sudden.
A couple ideas: I haven’t been feeling as secure in my body/have been struggling with depression, so I just feel heavy all the time and want to pillow princess. I don’t, because cowgirl is his favorite position and we both get off easier, but recently I’ve just been tired and not wanting to be aware of my body like that. I’m currently re-working my schedule to allow time for working out and dancing, which helps my mental health and my confidence, so that should ease.
I’m also feeling very loved and secure in this relationship, which often leads to me feeling a bit bored sexually since I typically have an anxious attachment style. It’s something I’ve been working on so I can recognize it, but I’d love some ideas for how to shift that dynamic internally as well.
I really just want to feel content with our sex life but I am having trouble finding the balance between wanting to feel deeply interested in sex and being content with our sex being pretty lovely, all things considered. How does one have fun sex in a long term relationship without it feeling boring? Should we just have less sex and see if that builds some desire for it?