For context: we started dating in 2022. We were on and off for a year. He was the only guy I’ve ever loved, we had a very strong connection but he is troubled (substance abuse) and made a habit of lying and gaslighting, which really affected my mental health. When things were good they were amazing, when they were bad I struggled to wake up in the morning. He consistently would leave me for a few days, and then come back apologizing and I’d take him back every time.
I broke up with him this time last year and did not talk to him afterward. Recently he texted me and we caught up. He told me how he’s got a new job, he’s clean, getting in shape and he’s doing well. I said that’s great news. He took it upon himself to ask to see me. We talked everything out and he admitted that he lied and was a horrible person during our relationship. I took responsibility for my part as well and it felt really reassuring to know I wasn’t crazy, as he had never previously admitted his wrongs and always painted a picture that I’d just left him at his worst.
After this time seeing each other, he confessed that he still loved me and wanted to work things out. He treated me very well for 2 weeks. He was the one texting first, wanting to see me, telling everyone how much he missed and loved me. Talking about how no matter how long goes by, he will always love me, and he loves spending time with me. Every second of his free time for those two weeks, he wanted to be with me. I did not apply any pressure to see me or commit to me, I just went with the flow.
2 nights ago I mentioned that I was going to go get a drink and catch up with a male friend. He got visibly upset and began questioning me about it in a way that made me feel cornered/scolded. I told him I didn’t feel like it was appropriate for him to question me like that, and he began saying how even though we aren’t dating I still don’t need to be doing that. He said “another girl texted me the other day and I just ignored her and now I feel like an idiot.” Through me expressing my side, he rolled his eyes and sighed. He then told me he needs space because he’s not sure how he feels about me and he feels I’m just leading him on. I stuck to my guns because previously I would go back on my boundaries as that was the only way to appease him, and I don’t want to do that anymore.
Last night he called me and told me that it made him realize he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship and that he doesn’t want to be with me, but he doesn’t want to be on bad terms. He said he still wants to keep in touch and maybe sometime down the road he will be ready, and said he loved me like 3 separate times. I explained to him that I already told him I wasn’t gonna do the on and off, and that if this is his decision I respect it, but to understand that there’s no coming back and I do not want to keep in touch. He began apologizing frantically. I said “I gotta go!” And hung up, and blocked his number.
I’d like to say I’m okay but I really am confused and don’t understand the psychology behind this. What changed? Did I do the right thing or am I being too harsh?
TDLR; I’m struggling to understand why my ex would come back into my life as if he’s loved me all along, and then flip a switch one day and leave like it’s nothing.