Okay for context I have been with my now ex for 4 years. We all moved away from our hometown to start college almost 2 years ago, and lived together for 1. My best friend, my boyfriend, and I have a little friend group and all get along well.
Right now, I still live with my ex and am moving out May 1st (so not to interfere with finals). We’re still friends and will probably continue to be friends. We’re breaking up because 1.) we are honestly better as friends and 2.) I feel he doesn’t value me enough in terms of housework. I don’t want to go suoer into it but I was diagnosed with MS and I am super tired as I work 20 hours a week as a server as well as school fulltime where he just works fulltime. He doesn’t clean, or help. He hasn’t made dinner ONCE in the 2 years we’ve been living together. Ultimately, I cannot date a man like that. I do still believe he is a good person and I love him, I just cant be with him.
Last year we all lived together (my boyfriend, best friend, me, and our other very close friend). It sucked. We all fought a lot and think were all not suited to be roomates, but definitely very close friends. I moved out because I felt like our roomates were grouping my boyfriend and I together (one shelf for 2 people, if he was behind on chores I had to tell him instead of them telling him themselves, if he did something wrong I was on the outs too). It wasn’t a great fit. My boyfriend was honestly a terrible roommate and I picked up a lot of the slack. I cleaned up after him. I thought moving out he would be better at picking up after himself when it was just the 2 of us. It did not get better.
Anyway, he hasn’t found a place for May yet because he isn’t really looking. I know he’ll find something I’m not all to worried. My best friend texted him 2 days ago asking him to move in with her and our other best friend. We all lived together last year and it sucked. She saw how awful he was and now she wants him as a roommate? I feel weird about it. She didnt tell me. He had too. She knows he’s a terrible roommate. They are super close anymore. Why would she do that behind my back? I also talked to her A LOT about this breakup and she said she was 100% backing me. I don’t want her to have to “pick sides,” but when it comes down to it she is my friend and not too much his so I didnt even think there would be a question about it. If she moves in with him it’s like she’s choosing him over me, and also I feel like she doesn’t think that living with him was that bad. It also feels like she is not understanding what I am going through by choosing to live with him. I want to be his friend still, but living with my best friend is a bit much. I don’t want her to ignore him, but I don’t love this. I don’t think I can be her friend anymore, as its just such a combination of things. She clearly views this breakup differently than I thought if she would live with him again, she viewed living with him last time differently than I thought, and I am almost feeling like we are on completely different pages.
We’ve been close since we were 14, and now we’re almost 20. I feel betrayed a little bit.
I don’t know if I can continue to be her friend over this. Should I be her friend still? Is this a good enough reason to cut her out?
TL;DR – my best friend of 6 years asked my ex boyfriend to move in with her without telling me.