I (27M) have been dating my GF, now finance, (29F) for about 5 years. Our relationship has been good so far, but one thing keeps bothering me.
When we have sex, she always gets me off, or if she doesn’t want full sex will give me a BJ. I’m more than willing to just take care of myself, but she says she enjoys getting me off.
I admit I’m an oral man, and love making the person I’m with happy and feel good. At first she said she had trauma with oral, so I told her that I would be ok not having sex, or doing anything she wasn’t happy with, but she said she doesn’t mind sex. A few weeks later she said she just is uncomfortable with oral. Then she said she loves oral, but doesn’t want me to do it.
I did have a beard and mustache at the time, so I shaved it in case she wasn’t into the scratchy feeling. Still a hard no to oral. I asked how else I can get her off. Dildo? Vibrator? Anal stimulation? Kinks? She said only oral can get her off, or masturbating with audios. I offered to play an audio and do it for her, with my hands and she said no.
Sunday she came up to me and said she isn’t sexually gratified because she doesn’t get oral, and she wants to be able to have a FWB who JUST gives her oral, no strings attached, no sex, nothing but her getting off. I asked why I can’t give her oral, she dodged the question. She said if we don’t that’s fine, but she would feel like I didn’t understand her needs as a woman.
This Monday I sat her down and asked why she’s so against me giving her oral, and not to lie to me, and she said it’s because she doesn’t want her “Providing man” to do something so “pitiful and demeaning”.
Tbh I felt like my heart broke a bit, because I feel like dating and sex should be mutual respect and level of work. It just really hurts for me to walk into our room to see her getting off, or trying, and then shutting down her audio and saying I “ruined the moment”.
Should I open up the relationship? Should I just tell her I’m not happy with open relationships? Should I just stop trying to understand why she won’t let me do it myself?
She is admittedly a 8-9 outta 10, but I would say I’m a decent looking dude myself, and recently I’ve taken much better care of my looks and I do most of the domestic chores, so I have no idea why I would turn her off so much…