I was listening to a parenting podcast where a psychologist said as parents it can be very helpful to explicitly work out what you believe your job is as a parent. It can help inform your thinking and reactions.
Which got me thinking that it probably helps with other relationships too, so I discussed this with my husband and we were trying to work our what our job descriptions/roles are as parents, and also as spouses.
I believe my job as mum to make sure my 2 children feel safe, loved, and cared for. And to help them learn about the world and its realities. He said he feels his job is one of being guardian, in a literal protective sense. We had some back and forth to work that out, I asked if he meant it like as an advocate, and he said no he felt he should be neutral in that context. Whereas for me it’s a deeply held value that I should *not* be neutral in advocating for family. There should be fierce loyalty there.
As a spouse he said he felt he previously had the job of provider, which he’s not sure about any more because I earn a lot more now. He says hes taking more of a supporting role now. And he felt like an overseer (though didn’t feel that was quite the right word) and problem solver.
His views were quite surprising to me, and don’t really match with my own ideas about what I think my job is and has been. Because I have *always* felt that I had to be the driver and the leader. I’ve always been the one making the decisions and being responsible for things and managing everyone and everything.
(Which, actually I’d like to hand the reign over a bit on currently because I’d like to free up some time and mental space to focus more on work).
I came to the relationship with a child already so there’s that dynamic too where I’ve never been just wife/partner without also being mum. And now we have a child together too, so he has 2 different parenting roles to work out.
So we have more discussions to have, and more thing to work out. It’s very interesting to have these unspoken things out in the open though.
I’m curious what everyone else has to say, or what would you think your partners would say, about your own specific circumstances?