My boyfriend admitted to jerking off to one of his coworkers Facebook photos
My boyfriend and I both 25 have been together almost 4 years. It is both our first relationship and we both lost our virginity to each other
I have never had a reason to not trust him, we both freely go through each others phones
Last night I went to search someone on his Facebook (I don’t use social media) and saw he had recently searched a handful of his female coworkers.
Red flags- I confronted him. I could tell he was hesitant so I new it was bad.
He finally admitted that only one of the girls was for jerk off purposes
I am fine with porn, he could jack off to it all day, but this is so creepy to me.
He sees her and talks to her everyday. My self esteem is shot. My trust is shot. My respect for him is shot.
We built a life, we are raising his nephew and animals, our names are on everything.
I am so sad. I am so tired of creepy men. I want to break up with him.
We’ve tried to talk about it, he apologized profusely but I don’t care. I literally cannot even look at him the same.
Am I being dramatic?
TLDR; my boyfriend jerked off to his coworkers Facebook and I want to know if it’s dramatic to end things even though this is his first mess up
31 comments
I mean, I guess honesty points that he actually admitted to it. Why wouldn’t he just say he was being nosy about his coworkers?
no. you’re not being dramatic. he’s being creepy, gross, and he’s no longer a safe person to have your girl friends around. listen to your instincts, they’re keeping you safe, and leave.
Nah that’s weird you’re not being dramatic
No, you’re definitely allowed to feel weird about that. I remember this guy I went to college with. I went on a date with him and he literally told me to my face that he had jacked off to my Facebook pictures several times. Obviously I left and never talked to him again. But first I let curiosity get the best of me and asked how he even did that when none of my pictures are nude or anywhere near it (not even swimsuits). He said all you need is a reference pic and your imagination. I have to imagine they just use the Facebook picture to get things going and then fantasize from there. It’s so weird!!!!! And apparently it isn’t unusual either!
I would give your bf one point for at least being honest, but yeah no it’s weird to do that with a coworker or anyone you know. Porn is one thing but clearly he must at least have fantasies of the other girls. You’re definitely justified in whatever decision you make.
Move on. You don’t need to put up with that
It is definitely creepy for him to jack off to someone he knows and especially if he’s in a relationship. This would be almost a similar vibe as being subscribed or willingly watched someone’s OF that they knew PERSONALLY. It’s the personal relationship makes this situation creepy- not only that it was to their FACEBOOK photos. Photos that people share to their family and friends and especially since the photos were shared not for sexual content. If he wanted to jerk off he could’ve gone to a porn website. It’s gross that he looked these girls up on Facebook and he also personally knew them…
It’s creepy AF. I had a co-worker many years ago come up behind me, put his hands on my chair, and say quietly ” I never imagined you with someone blond.” The emphasis was on imagined. My blond boyfriend had dropped me off at work that morning.
I knew exactly what he meant. It was super gross.
People are entitled to their own fantasies. I know how this guy viewed me, his co-worker.
You now know how he views his co-worker.
It seems like most of the women here think this is “creepy and gross”, and maybe it is, but do you know how many guys have jerked off to someone they know? All of them. All.
That ranks pretty high on the weird Af and creepy meter
This would make me super uncomfortable…for me and for the coworker.
that would be a dealbreaker for me for sure. I’m sorry this happened ❤️
Too personal. Not just anonymous porn. You aren’t being overdramatic at all. My 50+ yr old self wishes women in their 20’s and 30’s understood how many kind, decent, loyal men are out there looking for same thing. I think many women my age would say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve walked away so much faster than I did” about many of their old relationships.
I mean it is weird, but I wouldn’t break off a 4 year relationship because of it, no.
Nope. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same either. Don’t mentally torture yourself like that. Just let him go. He was probably jacking off to all of them if he thought saying “don’t worry I ONLY jacked off to one of them!” was going to sound better. Ugh. Yeah I would remove myself from the relationship if I were you.
When I was 17-18 I did this sort of thing
Grew up, am 24 now and now would never in a million years dream of doing this to someone.
That’s not just a normal thing guys do, that shows where his moral compass is at and it shows who he is when no one is looking.
Ewwww. This is why I’m single, men like this
Are any of the men going to reply and tell them that we all have thought about people we know sexually or are we just going to let the ‘Leave him!’ crew run rampant again
For me it’s not so much the jacking off to a coworker that I’d be uncomfortable about, I hear it’s common with single men but it’s the fact that he’s doing this while in a relationship with you. For me that’s like emotionally cheating because he knows this person in real life and sees her all the time and evidently finds her sexually attractive enough that he fantasises about her. That’s a recipe for disaster. In his imagination he’s cheated on you with his co worker. Not okay.
You are entitled to feel and respond in whatever way is true to you 100%. You have every right to feel grossed out or creeped out. You have every right to end the relationship because of it.
Do **I** think this makes him worse than any other man that watches porn or uses material to masturbate? Absolutely not.
Do I think he is a normal dude in line with the majority? Absolutely I do.
Where your boyfriend is in the **minority** is his honesty 😂
Edit: husband corrected to boyfriend
um…I mean if you put this way it’s creepy but it’s a common behaviour in men to fantasize about women they meet everyday but can’t fuck
These comments are outrageous. OP, have you never found anyone else attractive? Have you never thought of anyone else?
What you are asking for is validation that you can be upset about something he is simply thinking. You can’t control someone’s thoughts.
Do you believe he would actually cheat on you? Do you think he would rather be with his coworker? Hiw do you intend to control whether or not he finds other people attractive?
People need to stop encouraging and endorsing this kind of jealous, insecure, controlling behaviour.
Apologies for my tone but these other comments are so SO frustrating. You can’t control what your partner thinks or fantasizes about.
I would feel super betrayed. He talks to this person and obviously enjoys her personality as well as her looks. He has a crush on her, and regardless of whether he’d ever act inappropriate toward her- it’s not a good sign in a relationship if one person is sexually interested in someone else they see every day.
I would never be able to think about him at work NOT flirting with this girl or imagining fucking her.
It’s one thing to do as a single guy, but it shouldn’t happen when you’re in a relationship with someone. If I looked at pictures of a guy I knew in real life, and imagined being with him while I got off… I’d need to admit to myself that it’s time to evaluate my commitment to my marriage.
I’m sorry you had to find that out. Silver lining though- you didn’t catch him physically cheating, so there’s one bright spot in all of this, right?
nope you’re not dramatic, if my bf did this my heart would sink
No, you are being practical and acting out of self respect.
Everyone here saying “Porn is one thing”. Guys, porn is the reason for this.
You’re not being dramatic don’t let him gaslight you. Same thing happened to me and I understand how you feel.
I would feel very betrayed too.
Id have no problems with a partner jacking off to porn where there is no personal connection and the content exists solely for that purpose.
Using women in his life,,, and their FB PICTURES is just gross AF what the heck.
Don’t listen to people saying you’re unreasonable…they’re purposely ignoring the part where he’s doing it WHILE in a relationship?? Messed up…break up with him
To me this speaks of his levels of discipline, integrity and respect (or lack of) for you. It is perfectly normal to feel attraction to other people outside of your relationship. Heck, I would say even to fantasise about them, to a certain extent.
But there should come a moment when one has the self awareness to say ‘But wait, I am in a relationship and I love my partner and all this is ridiculous. Time to stop the fantasy.’ He failed to do that. And this shows he cannot be relied on if the opportunity would come to bang someone outside your relationship because he has proven to have no self control.
Do you want to be with someone this immature, undisciplined and straight up stupid? Life is long and difficult, we age, go through shit, sex dwindles down eventually. You need someone better than this by your side so you don’t wake up one day left for a younger, hotter piece because homeboy couldn’t keep it in his pants.
Ewwww. You’re not dramatic.
He’s a creep.
I’m a guy and this is weird as fuck, feel however you want to feel about it, because you’re correct to feel that way..