Maybe I’m overreacting to this and maybe I’m insecure. But I’m not getting much help from my family and friends.
I met Brian in an English Literature class at our college about 10 years ago. Now, he was over 400 lbs and didn’t take good care of himself. I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t find him physically attractive. But we bonded over our shared love of Jane Austen and ballroom dancing. He’s absolutely hysterical, a great cook, always pays me compliments, was the first person to contact me when he learned my grandmother had a stroke…and I started seeing other things about him. I love the way his eyes would crinkle when he smiles. How he guides me through the steps of a waltz when we compete. Even how his haircut frames his face. A couple of years after we met, we started dating and I love him so much.
3 years ago, Brian’s mom (60F) died of a massive heart attack and he was completely devastated. Like Brian, she was morbidly obese. Brian sat me down a few days after the funeral and told me that he didn’t want to die young like his mom did. He made an appointment with a surgeon specializing in bariatrics and a therapist to work on his food issues. Brian also started eating healthier and exercising more. He hit the gym, started jogging, swam, started teaching ballroom dancing at the high school he taught at…
I promised him I would support him no matter what and I kept my word. I threw a big party when he lost his first 100 (all with small portions and healthy food of course).
It was a long, hard and rough road. But 3 years later, he’s down to 200 lbs with another 20 to go before he reaches his ideal weight. He’s now training to run a 5K raising money for women’s heart health in memory of his mom. I am so proud of him and told him such.
With the improvement in his appearance, he started taking much better care of himself. He got a brand new wardrobe, a new haircut, everything. Of course, the massive weight loss has left a lot of skin hanging on him and he’s made an appointment with a plastic surgeon to talk about options for removing it. But other than that? We’re both satisfied with the results. I love strolling down the streets on his arm and seeing his pride in his appearance. He’s really come out of his shell.
Recently, we decided to move to a new city for work. Nobody knows what he looked like beforehand and I’m noticing other women eying him up. He’s being friendly with women who probably wouldn’t give him the time of day back when he was morbidly obese. He’s a friendly person overall so I wasn’t worried at first. Then they started flirting with him, trying to slip their numbers to him and trying to get alone with him.
I am Brian’s first girlfriend and he struggled to get dates because of his appearance and he’s something of an ingenue. He’s not used to girls flirting with him and doesn’t always know how to act. He’s admitted to me that he’s flattered whenever a woman flirts with him. More than once, I stepped in with the whole “I’m his girlfriend” and led him away. Maybe I did something wrong then, I don’t know.
It ate away at my self esteem. Now I’m finding myself afraid he’s going to leave me now that he’s getting attention from other women. I tried to brush it off, saying I was being insecure and that he’d be loyal to me.
Well, tonight was the last straw. Brian texted me that his coworkers talked about going to a strip club next weekend. In the past, I wouldn’t have worried but now I’m really antsy. I haven’t responded yet. I tried talking to our friends and my family but am getting answers ranging from “It’s not him, it’s you” and “Leave him before he breaks your heart”.
What do I do now?
TLDR: My boyfriend went through a serious physical and mental transformation after losing over 200 lbs and is appreciative of women paying attention to him. What do I do now?