So my boyfriend and I have been together since the end of 2019. He’s a wonderful person, kind, thoughtful, compassionate, loves helping people. My family adores him, in fact he’s the reason my mother and I reconciled our relationship after a pretty bad falling out. He has helped me change my life for the better in so many ways. I love him, and he loves me. There’s no doubt about this…
The only issues we have are in the bedroom. In the whole of our relationship he’s initiated sex maybe 5-7 times… (if that?) I’m always the one who initiates any kind of sexual activity, and probably about 70% of the time he declines or tells me not right now until he eventually falls asleep.
He tells me that he doesn’t know what turns him on or what sort of thing he is into. So inevitably I just don’t know how to get him going…
He doesn’t seem to enjoy any kind of forplay involving pleasuring me, he doesn’t like giving me oral, or using his fingers, and the times that he has done this, he’s worn latex gloves…..
He claims that he has no libido, and that his anxiety about disappointing me is one reason why he refuses to be active in the bedroom and that his lack of confidence is stemmed from him being cheated on by every single one of his ex girlfriends…
I have tried and tried to get him to see that I’m ALREADY disappointed by him refusing to be intimate with me and that even if he finishes to fast the fact that he gave me some kind of sexual attention is a huge step towards my non disappointment.
A couple days ago I found out that he has gone to my best friend’s house while I was at work at least two different times and kept it secret from me. When I asked my friend about it, she said that he just talked about me the whole time and how he is just “weirded out” by sex and it’s ruining our otherwise great relationship, and she suggested that we really need to have a conversation about it because I’m not happy, he’s not happy.
She also told him that he shouldn’t keep his going over there a secret from me nor should he lie to me about it and that she was not going to lie about it for him. If I asked about it she would tell me straight up. Which I believe she did.
I wholeheartedly believe that they did
not do anything inappropriate or sexual But I’m still put off by the fact that he turned off the security cameras when he left to go over there, deleted the conversations between my friend and himself and actively tried to hide it….
I’m at my wits end with the whole no sex thing and it could very well be the reason we split up even though I love him dearly…. It’s very sad and I don’t know what to do..
tl;dr: my bf secretly went to my best friend’s house, told her he’s weirded out by sex and it is ruining our relationship.