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Going on my first Hinge date tonight. First ever. I got out of an 8 year relationship last May, and this is my first time trying online dating. I’m very nervous.
There’s this guy I was previously talking to on hinge. We had a date set up and I was excited for it but he cancelled saying he met someone else and wanted to focus on that. I was bummed at the time but respected it. Now several months later, I get a like from him. I don’t know if he remembers me but I’m pretty sure that’s him.
Should I address it or pretend I don’t remember him at all? I do want to talk to him for sure, just trying to play it cool lol.
I get matches in flurries, and a girl I matched with tonight said she was tired, but would like to chat further over a ‘Zoom’ date next week.
I agreed, but said could we do something so it didnt seem as much like a work call – rate each others cake or something like that. The idea seemed to go down well but now I am realising what I have said. What cake do I go for, and do I bake it myself 😂
I dressed up a bit yesterday before I went grocery shopping. Was hoping to find at least ONE woman to talk to (and best case scenario get her number)…. Could not find a SINGLE ONE who looked in her early 30’s out of three separate stores. Left a little disappointed.
I’m dreading going back on the online dating apps. Where do you hang out, single women in your early 30’s?!
So he wants to get a membership at my gym to help me lift a few times a week. Suddenly none of this feels weird. Especially since this is what people do with him at his home gym. I’m glad to have someone to help, it’s just his thing I guess.
How do u show up as ur best self on all ur dates?
I was confident and open on my 1st date, and he was very interested. Keeping in touch and checking up on me every few days before our 2nd date. Then I was so nervous on my 2nd that I didn’t have much reaction to any of his attempts to connect with me, more self conscious and more self absorbed – (instead of trying to get to know him and listening to what he’s actually saying and respond).
I think it ruined his attraction towards me bc he stopped initiating text. 🙁
I feel disappointed I didn’t show up as my best self bc I saw how he was when he was actively pursuing me and it’s what I want for my future dates.
Re: my comment from a couple hours ago…
Is it weird for a 36F to date a 28M? I really hit it off with this guy yesterday randomly, and I don’t know why I’m questioning the age difference so much. I look younger than my age, but have always acted very mature, so people who know me on a personal level, especially at work, assume I’m early 40’s.
a little rant: matched with this girl and we hit it off chatting for nearly a week. went for the date/meetup, and they said ‘sorry, i’m busy this weekend”. i became saltier than a peanut because i’m really sick of just being a chat buddy. i replied back saying if you were to ask me i’d make time for you no problem, and i’m looking for a potential relationship not just chat buddies.
then she replied back with a dissertation about her family was flying in for the holiday and that she has work sunday morning
i probably fck’d that one up.
i don’t think online dating is for me to be honest. this is the 2nd time this happened. so obviously i’m doing something wrong
I have had a hard and fast rule about never dating coworkers. Never have I ever. Now I’m wondering if some of those rules are more like roadblocks. Technically this guy is in a management position. Is this dumb? It’s way too early to be sure, I’m just going to build a friendship and assess compatibility and character.
I took myself out for a date, and now I have two delicious Irish cheeses (knockamore Irish raw milk cheddar and cooleeney farm gortnamona (I feel like I’m just typing sounds now)), one of which is melting all over the plate. Also, got some 9.5% IPA (hop bullet magnum edition), and some perfectly ripe mangoes, on a warm and sunny 63 degree day.
(AND I just noticed that I coaxed an inherited orchid into sending out TWO new branches/stems. Apparently my very reasonable conversations with it about my really hoping it would feel compelled to survive and rebloom, and playing Tool for it, were effective.)
So, yeah, great date, definitely went home with me. She likes all the same things I do!
My dating life is non existent at this point due to small dating pool but swipe occasionally just to see if I get lucky 😂. However, I got a message today on social media from a woman who ghosted me almost 4 years ago (didn’t meet up, just chatting stage). She said sorry for the delay in response and then carried on the conversation as if nothing had happened. I am single and I assume she is as well now but I don’t know how to feel about this!
He proposed! I said yes! We’re engaged!!
I went to the beach today and it occurred to me that if I don’t find me a lady soon, I’m going to get cancer.
I can’t reach my back with sunscreen and I end up with a horizontal line across it that is unprotected, and I would never be able to see an irregular mole growing back there!
I’m gonna be the first to die of singleness induced melanoma 😞
So, went on a coffee date with one girl and it was a nice time with nice company but didn’t really feel anything romantically. Would be a great friendship and now I need to call it off nicely and be cool about it. Hopefully she understands.
As I was leaving the city centre, an Italian girl who I met before my ex messaged saying she’s in the city centre if I’m around for a coffee. Beautiful day and I was still there so I thought.. fuck it. Met at about 4pm and drank beers together for about 3 hours.
We’d originally matched in 2019 but since went off and had long term relationships. We joked about how it’d taken us so long to see each other but man, she was beautiful. Something about an Italian accent melts me as well, honestly. Ended with us swapping a kiss on the cheek and saying we’ll either do a gig together on Thursday night or drinks together on Friday/Saturday. Could be fun!
Finished the day a bit tipsy with a roast dinner at my aunt’s house. Very sociable and eventful day. Wasn’t productive really but.. sometimes Sundays don’t have to be. Also happy the Italian girl was seemingly still keen after it being the first romantic debut of my buzzcut haha.
Hello DOTties! I haven’t updated in a while.
So I was on a really bad stretch for a minute. Like literally 4 out of the last 6 first dates I had scheduled flaked on me!!! Including one I had invited to see a stand up comedian I like (bought the tix months in advance but had no one to take) so I ended up going by myself and that turned out fine cuz I ended up seeing the comedian at the bar next door afterwards and spending “quality time” with him 😉🥵🙏😂 so that guy did me a big favor lmao.
And since then I’ve been on 3 dates with someone!!! Jury is still out on whether I think it will progress but he’s definitely worth seeing again. The first date was a little rough cuz he seemed super shy and nervous but I decided to see him again in the hopes he might come out of his shell and I could assess his personality. Dates 2 and 3 definitely much better, last night we spent like 4 hours in my hot tub talking and eventually making out!!!! Seriously this hot tub purchase has been majorly good for my love life hahahaha. But yeah he’s been nice but I’m not super excited about him yet so we’ll have to see if that’s something I can get to.
I managed to do some activities with a guy I thought could be a great partner. Went hiking with him today. I learned he prefers being single and is happy with his life and isn’t looking. Sigh. Well it’s back to the drawing board.
This guy I had a crush on who used to live in my building “liked” my profile, which made me excited! But then I saw that his age was the suspicious “39,” which I’ve learned guys will sometimes use when they’re 40+. So I did a little digging and discovered he’s 40, turning 41 this year 😩 I literally do not care that he’s 40, it’s just such an ick now when 40+ guys say they’re 39 so that they can get past age filters and date younger women. I’m not sure that I’ll accept his “like,” which sucks because I would like to otherwise.
Men, please do not do this!!!
I *really* want to message someone I had a brief relationship over a year ago. I miss him. I’ve dated a few people here and there since him but no one has treated me the way he did. He was a passionate man who really enjoyed my company, saw a future with me, respected me and really wanted me as a partner. He was a gem and he’s gone. Things ended because of my insecurities and I’ve had a whole year of being in therapy and working on myself. I miss him. I’m good friends with his brother, but he doesn’t really keep tabs on him so I don’t get any updates.
Should I message him?
Feeling sorry for myself and just need to vent. I’m mad at myself for spending my twenties on casual hookups, but I also realize I wouldn’t have been ready for anything serious back then. After 3 years of dating for a serious relationship, I’ve met some amazing people but it just hasn’t worked out yet. I know that it’s just a numbers game, yadda yadda. But I’m just tired of being told that I’m a catch, beautiful, caring, understanding etc and yet still ending up alone.
I’ve done so much work on myself through therapy, lost 20 lbs, am getting hobbies, have a great career, am all around the best version of myself… and still the one constant that never changes is being single. My logical brain knows it’s just a numbers game and it’ll happen eventually…. And that the point of “bettering” myself isn’t for someone else… But I’m just sick of going through life alone. Ugh.
I know this is kinda the wrong sub for this, but I’m a cancer survivor and just found a really concerning spot on myself. It’s a little hard to see because it’s on my back. Thankfully I have my biannual remission check Thursday but it makes me so anxious in the meantime. Makes me spiral too, like why bother trying to date if I’m maybe going to get sick again.
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The guy with the wife texted me and said he wants to go to this specific outdoor mini-golf place for our next date. I kept it short and told him I’m no longer interested and blocked him. I’m sure he can go with his wife if he really wants to go.
Should I respond to his rejection text? Long story short – we had 2 dates. Both great dinners, he kindly paid. 2nd date we went to his place and watched a movie, fooled around (told him I wasn’t gonna sleep with him on 2nd date). It was a lot of fun and I for sure expected a 3rd date. Which was supposed to be this past Friday. In that week in between we went a couple days without texting until I msged him first Wednesday.
He msged me Thursday and we made plans Friday for that night. He got called into work and had to cancel.
Didn’t hear from him until today when I basically said I don’t want to waste my time and was getting the vibe he wasn’t interested. He confirmed my suspicions.
I don’t think I owe him anything just like he doesn’t owe me a 3rd date (even if I’m thoroughly confused after a really good 2nd date) but I don’t want to come off bitter or petty. Even though I’ll never see him again.
TLDR: how do you respond to rejection texts after 2 measly dates?
I’ve been getting rejected a lot by people I know IRL and it’s really been taking a shot at my confidence lately.
So I keep throwing myself at my hobbies to occupy my time but then if I don’t perform at a high level at them then I get mad at myself and spiral thinking “If you were better at this then person X or person Y would like you more”
And then I apply that to everything I do. If I was funnier, better looking, etc. and it’s a vicious vicious cycle because at a certain point you hate to look at yourself because you remind yourself of your failures every time you do and it’s hard to live every day like that.
This also has been applying to friendships lately but it also is very much a thing in my dating life. Anyway, I have therapy on Tuesday but just wanted to vent after a rough day seeing the woman who rejected me today and having to pretend it didn’t hurt my very badly.
Messaged them. Thanks
About a year ago my fiance broke up with me and went no contact. I was a wreck. I was scared. I went to therapy. I fell back on my friends and family for support. In October, I joined dating apps, and after a few rejections, I was going to take a break because my heart was still weak. I ended up getting asked out on Hinge before deleting it, and decided it was going to be my last attempt–expecting to be rejected. Yesterday, after about 5 months of dating that Hinge guy, we became official. 😭💜
Is it weird to fb message a former classmate? Noticed him on my newsfeed and he’s very attractive to me. I was a bit of a pariah in high school so I’m very concerned that I would be rejected.
Just back from the date and I can’t ask for more. He is definitely the person I have been waiting for soooo longgggg.
BTW, card game was fun, I love collecting card game like We’re Not Really Strangers or something similar to icebreak and to have heart-to-heart conversations. It works well for us, we feel emotionally closer to each other after tonight for sure.
I recently fell into a situation where I met two amazing women at the same time. I saw great qualities and long-term potential in both. I was hoping that eventually something would “click” and my intuition would lead me to a comfortable decision between the two. However, I got a bit stuck in my head and felt like the stress of having to make a decision overshadowed my ability to be fully present with each interaction and guide my heart.
I also felt time pressured as both had expressed a desire to move forward and I realized I needed to make a decision or I’d be leading someone on.
So I made the best decision I could at the time with the factors I have. But because that decision wasn’t made with (full) intuitive clarity, I’m noticing myself doubting my choice, battling “what if” syndrome, and making comparisons between the two women.
I’m hoping for some advice on how to navigate this. I know that regardless of the choice I made, I’d be questioning myself either way. I also understand that questioning my decision isn’t productive, but I’m struggling to navigate the urge to and was wondering if anyone had some words of wisdom to help guide me through this process.
Had a good second date last night with someone. We made out, and we’ve been texting periodically since. Have no idea what to do for a third date. I’m bad at this lol
Hi! It has been a couple of weeks since I last updated. The lady I’ve been spending time with and I went out for the fourth time on Monday. We had planned an excursion to a local outsider art attraction, but her only regular day off is Monday, and getting that plan to work out has been difficult due to the lack of overlap in our work schedules.
The week before, she had forgotten that there was a mandatory work meeting, so we shunted the outing to the following week and just went for coffee and then went back to my place. I was a little insecure because her texting had been sporadic with a lot of delays (ADHD forgetfulness is the issue) and I felt like our plans to hang out had gotten dashed a few times and had essentially been replaced by more sex. I brought this concern to her and she said that she was sorry that I was getting that perception, that she didn’t want to miss out on other activities and cares about me and values the other parts of our connection, that she loves talking to me and loves my personality. I know she does; she is very sweet and genuine, but also going through a lot and struggling with executive dysfunction.
Anyway, this past weekend, she called me for the first time on Sunday, the night before we were finally going to go on our excursion, and apologized for calling. I just blurted out, “Had I not told you that I hate texting?” I guess not. She said, “I hadn’t realized! Well, I like calling better too. Can I just call you to check in instead of texting, since I forget to text back so often?” I said yes, of course! She was again very apologetic but had forgotten once again that she had planned a month ago to drive two hours away (in the opposite direction from where I live, 45 minutes from her) to record with her band in the evening. They had been waiting for over a month for their schedules to align so they could finish recording their EP, so she couldn’t reschedule with them, and wondered if I would like to drive to her town and get coffee and go to the art museum in the afternoon.
I said that I could do that, but since I am starting a new job, I no longer had Mondays free and it would be harder to make our trip. She said, “I’m sorry you don’t get to go!” I said, “Well, it’s in my city, and I can go anytime I want. I just wanted to go with you.” She said that was really sweet and confessed that she had been feeling really anxious about calling; she felt guilty and feared that I would be angry at her for changing the plans and being forgetful and flaky . I said I wasn’t angry, but was bummed out that we couldn’t make our plans happen, although I knew what I was in for when we first met and she told me she was in a band (lol).
She kind of giggled at the truism/joke (musicians always have funny schedules) and I said that if it was just a matter of lacking confidence in her old car, I would drive out there with her and do a spontaneous road trip. She said, very sincerely, “I would love to go on a road trip with you in the future — a real one.” I stuttered and said, “Well, I hope you are cool with eating at Chipotle and Denny’s a lot, because with celiac disease, that’s almost all I get to eat on the road.” She said, “I would be happy to exclusively eat at Chipotle and Denny’s if that is what you need to be safe. I just want you to be safe and happy.”
Despite the last minute change of plans, I just melted when she said that. She had also been the first person among all my friends and family to say “I’m so proud of you!” when I told her I had gotten a cool new job after over a year of working contracts and gigs. She is so kind and supportive. We kept talking for a while and then I went off to bed.
The next day, the art museum was closed, but we still had coffee, She bought my coffee, hugged me and flirted in public, and I got her flowers, which made her overjoyed. We then went off and had sex, but it was so nice and sweet and she said repeatedly how beautiful I am. Finally , when we were cuddling afterwards, I just blurted out: “I have been wondering something: are we dating? What do we have going on here?” She said, “Ummm… I’m just hanging out for now, if that’s okay. I need to learn how to break unhealthy patterns in relationships and not just get obsessed and put my partner’s needs before mine. I’m sorry.” Just an hour before, she told me about her very awful breakup from a year-long relationship, which took place only a month and half before we met. The relationship was with a very troubled person who cheated multiple times, lied, manipulated, and gaslighted her like a pro.
I said that I understood why she needed to learn to love herself, relate more healthily in romantic relationships, and take space and time to process what happened before so she could move forward. She was clearly moved that I said that and just said, “You are such a beautiful and wonderful person; I was sure that you would be offended.” I said, “I like you, and I know you like me, and that’s why I want to see you feel whole and happy. And I like that you were honest about where you are in your healing process and what you are capable of doing right now.” She said, “Yeah, when I was younger, I would say I could handle a relationship when my mental health was bad, then completely drop the ball and hurt my partner by withdrawing. So now I’m doing therapy and trying to fix myself and my habits.” Then we kept cuddling and kissing for another half hour. (Ironic, I know.)
After that, she called me a couple of times over the week, “just to hear (my) voice” and chat aimlessly. We have plans to go to dinner on Thursday evening of this week and then maybe watch a movie and definitely cuddle and have sex. I have been in a splendid mood; I have no idea why being told that we aren’t in a relationship made me feel so light and happy. Maybe it’s the radical honesty. I know that I can count on her to be truthful, to honor promises (like not blowing off her band to go see me), to show up for me emotionally and treat me well, even if we aren’t putting a dating tag on it. We are still exclusive and she said that she is not making anything official “for now,” but I don’t want to hold my breath. I am just enjoying a good connection with a good person, and if nothing else comes of it, I have a friend who thinks I’m great and whose actions and words help build my self-esteem.