!!This is a long one, summary at the bottom !!
So I (F18) broke up with this guy(M19) a little over a month ago (we were together for four months and talked for four months before that) . I was miserable and he was being way too emotionally dependent to the point where it was suffocating me so I did the smart choice and broke up with him. Our relationship was also toxic and unhealthy and super unsustainable. Ive always been more logical and objective while he was, not in a bad way, emotional. We were also long distance. He took the break up really really badly while I was more.. stoic, thats just how i am. Im never gonna regret breaking up with him and im planning on never getting together with him again.
The problem is ever since we broke up he became really manipulative, hes a very broken person who wasnt supposed to be in a relationship to begin with and he had put his entire self worth and happiness on ME. He was guilt tripping me daily. I told him I didnt wanna discuss our relationship or breakup until we’re in a better place mentally because i already tried for DAYS and it was negatively affecting my healing and recovery. Its simply too fresh for him to have a rational conversation about it but I wanna make it clear that I told him multiple times about the reasons. I was simply unhappy and the relationship was emotionally draining, therefore I ended it, period. I am not gonna stay in an unhappy relationship because the other person is doing better.
At the end of the day I need to put myself first, especially because I was suffering for so long. I am responsible for my own happiness, therefore I took care of myself by removing myself from a negative situation. It’s also important to mention this was both of ours first real romantic relationship. There is also some things that happened in those four months before we got officially together that caused me to not be able to trust him. Ive always been one to protect my peace, to be skeptical of people, so I was already struggling to trust him but what happened absolutely ruined any trust I had built during those months. Right after he did this thing to me that almost made me completely cut him out of my life he messages me drunk, telling me he feels guilty for what he did, absolute mess. I let my feelings settle and had a calmer discussion about the matter. I have a habit of holding a grudge and pushing people out of my life as soon as they do something remotely bad but I tried to get over it with him because I did genuinely like him. I didnt wanna be in a relationship to begin with because of my issues but he was able to wear me down over a few weeks where he told me everyday how bad he wanted to be together and then he asked me in person out of nowhere if we should make it official and i said yes. That was a mistake. I thought we would be able to work through our issues together. Anyway, four months go by and im only worse, we were having petty fights everyday, i was constantly overthinking and anxious about our relationship. Anyway back to now. He called me selfish for putting myself first, for choosing my happiness over his. He said it’s not fair that i had to ruin him to be happy.
Of course i didnt want to upset him but in that situation theres nothing i coudlve done for myself that didnt hurt him. I apologized, took accountability for my part and trust me I am not perfect and I made it clear that I owned up to my mistakes. So, after many tiring conversations I told him Im done discussing this for now. I set a boundary, I am now his ex, he needs to stop trying to talk about what we already have a hundred times, he needs to stop emotionally confiding in me since thats not my job, im too busy with my own stuff. Yet everyday he kept crossing those boundaries, telling me he loves me and misses me then goes on a rant about how I ruined him, i was toxic, this is all on me. He was subconsciously trying to guilt trip me into getting back together. He also kept talking about how depressed he was, how he sees no point in living, how hes having suicidal thoughts for the first time in his life. I just pitied him, honestly. I told him not to confide or vent to me but I tried my best to be supportive from a distance. I take suicidal thoughts very seriously and I still really cared about him so I tried to comfort him a little and advised that he goes to someone else because I cant help him. After a while I brought up the idea of no contact and how it would benefit us. I told him that we wont be able to move on and fully process what has happened if he can still reach me. It doesnt even have to be permanent, just a couple months.
This wasnt just for him but for me too, he is still texting me everyday and Im not able to fully focus on myself this way. But once I mentioned it he blew up at me, telling me im not allowed to change my mind and play with his feelings. He told me I was cruel and evil and that he cant handle going no contact. With what he was telling me a few days before you can guess what he implied with that. His mom even messaged me and called me vindictive, i immediately shut that down and maturely explained to her why i did what i did. I then talked to my therapist about it a few days later and told me that I should be careful going no contact with someone who’s so unstable and suicidal as him. So since then ive been trying to keep contact to the minimum, answering dryly so he’ll leave me alone but he still crosses my boundaries and sends me paragraphs in the middle of the night about how much he misses me, how he wants to see me and how much he’s struggling. This is just getting exyhausting and I still wanna go no contact with him. What do I do?
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**tl;dr**
My emotionally unstable and dependent ex disrespects my boundaries about not discussing our relationship anymore because I already have a million times and it was negatively affecting my healing. He sends me paragraphs in the middle of the night about how much he loves and misses me and wants to see me. We broke up because our relationship was unhealthy and I was miserable and emotionally drained. He called me selfish for putting myself first. He said i broke him, i ruined his life to get better. He called me cruel and evil and manipulative in rants then apologized ten minutes later and told me how much he adores me more than anything. He mentioned being suicidal (despite me telling him not to confide or vent to me because I didnt wanna continue to be his sole comfort) and then later told me he wouldn’t be able to handle it if we went no contact. My therapist told me to careful because hes suicidal and unstable. So out of fear of his life I still keep in contact with him even if I wanna go no contact so we can both heal and move on. What do I do?