When I was a teenager my ex raped me with anal. Now i’m 21 and I’m dating an amazing guy(22). We’ve been dating for almost a year, and in each others lives for almost 2. We’ve done anal before and he’s been very respectful and gentle. Recently he brought up that he’s watched painal(pain anal). I didn’t think him mentioning it would be a big deal but it hasn’t left my mind. It’s been triggering and has caused me to not trust him. It’s not his fault and I tried to talk to him about it but now he feels like I’m judging or persecuting him for something he’s found visually stimulating. I don’t want him to think i’m kink shaming him or whatever it’s fine for him to like whatever he wants to like but I’m terrified of getting hurt again. I’m scared it will cause a loophole in which I get hurt again. I don’t believe he’s the type of guy to do something like that but I didn’t think my ex was the type either. He feels bad that he triggered me and that he didn’t think about how it could affect me to bring it up. But part of me feels like that damage has been done and now we need to just build the trust back again.
Update: We spoke about it last night and he feels horrible that I was triggered. I know it was never his intention to do so and I would never put the blame on him. We’re going to work on building the trust back that was lost. He brought it up because we were talking about porn and he wasn’t thinking. We have a beautiful relationship but no matter how healthy a relationship is there will always be misunderstandings, unintentional hurt, and arguments. I’ve even shows him this post with the responses and we talked about them. Thank you to everyone who was kind and is offering advice. As for seeking therapist, that isn’t very accessible for me at this current moment which is why I’m working through it on my own and with my boyfriend.