Hi all! I moved to Canada from Eastern Europe 1.5 years ago and still can’t find any actual friends among English speakers.
Initially, it was such a stress to even talk to people, because of my accent, lack of vocab, etc. Therefore, it feels like everybody is already divided into groups, know each other and I just do not fit anywhere.
Eventually, I have improved my English so I feel comfortable on a day-to-day basis and confident while talking and writing (~80% of my English class in 12th grade). I even managed to make some peers, who I can talk to during classes, but that’s it. I can’t make like true friends, who I can go hang out with. And there is still this thing with the groups of those who seem to be cool guys, but I won’t be able to directly get into one of the groups simply, because I don’t have a high enough level of the language, control of my speeches and talking, and humour to do it smoothly and beautifully. Thus, they are different mentally: listen to different music, consume different content, etc. At the same time, just sitting alone is not “comme il faut”. I also have a very strange feeling when I speak different languages, that it’s not me who is talking to people, but some other personality inside me, and this thing disallows me to use all my potential. I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me and what should I do. Long story short, I have no idea how to make friends with English speakers.
Things are different in my native language, because I manage to make friends due to my sense of humor, irony, satire, and oh Lord, most importantly – sarcasm. However, in English, even though ideas for jokes can come, very often instead of the expected reaction I see a poker face just staring at me.
And then the question is this: the problem is either in my English, or in the fact that I don’t understand how English speakers joke, or in my sense of humor.
If the problem is the first one, then this is probably the easiest thing, because I learn English every day and logically, a miracle will happen one day. I want to discuss the second point a bit more deeply down below. If the problem is the third one, then nothing will help me and I’m totally wasted.
Let’s return to the question of the specificity of humor. I noticed that there is a significant difference between Slavic humour and American humour. Since November, I’ve been actively studying the culture of English-language jokes, and I’m just dead. The gap between Mr. Bean and modern TikTok vids just kills me. I try to watch comedy films, but honestly I feel like they are sometimes (pretty often) not very smart and “cringy”. Sometimes to such a degree, that I feel like while watching it, my IQ level drops to negative values. I also listened to a lot of comedians and identified 3 that resonated with me the most: Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K., and Gabriel Iglesias.
In general, the essence of the question is: where and how can I learn the subtleties of English humour, specifically American humour, even more specifically something that is “trendy” among American/Canadian teens, so I can be on the same page with them? TikTok, YouTube, Twitch, Netflix, Stand Up? If yes then what specifically? What kind of TikTok creators, YouTube channels, Movies, Streamers and Comedians? I know that I should keep embarrassing myself and try to joke more in real life, but I need at least a foundation of how it is done in English, so my attempts will have a higher rate of success.
And finally, a more general question: when I try to make new acquaintances, especially when this happens with a group of people at once, what model of behavior should I adhere to?
Thanks to everybody who read this, hug you all 🙂