My boyfriend \[M33\] and I \[F37\] met on a dating app, and have been together for around 5 months. We are technically “long distance” but he only lives an hour away and visits me (NYC) most weekends.
Right before we met, it turns out he had gotten a girl (also in NYC) pregnant and she had an abortion. They were never in a relationship. He was upfront about this fact, and said they were no longer speaking. But a few months later I found out they actually went to college together and are in the same friend group, and the abortion had gone wrong and she was hospitalized. She apparently was very upset to learn he was dating again, and even messaged me saying he never told her about me when they started talking again.
I took this to mean that she still has feelings for him, but I genuinely think my boyfriend keeps in touch with her because he feels bad about the situation. She was having a hard time with things, so my boyfriend met up with her one evening at a coffee shop after she flipped out that he was in NYC and didn’t tell her. I’m positive nothing happened. They continued fighting over text for weeks and he went over to her apartment one day to talk things out. My boyfriend was very open with me about their communication. I am 100% sure nothing happened between them.
One day, I get a text from her saying that my boyfriend had told her I was encouraging him to “harass” her after she asked him to leave her alone, and he had sent her flowers and written a letter, and telling me to stop. I was very weirded out that it sounded like he was trying to blame me for the situation, and that she was claiming she had told him to leave her alone. I knew about the flowers but was unaware of other dynamics. My boyfriend said she was just being crazy, and apparently they had a huge fight and she told him to never speak to her again.
I finally thought this was over. But 2 months later she called him upset about the abortion again. Now, my boyfriend has agreed to have lunch with her on a Saturday. I trust him and don’t believe that he would cheat on me, but should I actually be ok with this? I feel bad for the girl because she is clearly traumatized, but I also think my boyfriend has done his best to apologize and she won’t accept it/is dragging it out.
TL;DR My boyfriend is in constant communication with a girl he got pregnant because she is traumatized from the abortion, but I think he is allowing her to drag it out. Am I being understanding or stupid?