My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and our whole relationship I have been in a better financial position than him even though I am still a student and help take care of my grandma and have saved money most of my life. He is always broke and asks his brother dad or me for a loan or to pay for things. He gets upset with me when I tell him traveling isn’t the best thing right now in his life and to pay down the debt he has.
44 comments
Just tell him your money is tied up because you are saving for a big expense.
You just need to educate him to be more financially responsible or a better job at that! I wouldn’t be with a man like that because then he isn’t a true man supporting his woman. I know roles can change but wouldn’t you rather be lavished and to have your own money then giving it to someone who can’t even be financially responsible to himself
If he constantly needs loans, he is not responsible enough to be your boyfriend. He needs to show that he can keep his head above water (financially), or he needs to at least show that he is making an effort. From the sounds of it, he is not.
“That isn’t in my budget.”
“Sorry, I’m not able to help you with that, it isn’t in my budget.”
It’s simple. Just say no. You tell him if he wants to travel he has to save for it just like everyone else.
You have very different financial goals than he does. Trying to change him won’t work unless he wants to change which he clearly doesn’t.
Telling him he shouldn’t travel because of student debt is understandable of course to you but to him it isn’t an issue and nor should you be policing him as that isn’t going to suddenly give him the financial responsibility that you are looking for.
Money is one of the fundamentals of a successful relationship, having a similar goal and values works well as it reduces the conflict, resentment and problems that you are already experiencing. You sadly don’t have that with your boyfriend at all.
Why is he always broke? Does he have a job? Is this a reoccurring theme in the relationship? He sounds like a bum ass dude. No one is entitled to YOUR money and you don’t owe him shit.
No is a full sentence. Just say it!
Tell him no and if he doesn’t figure out a way to better handle his money, you need to end it. You are not a bank or an ATM!!
“No.”
No. No works just fine. I had an ex who tried to use me as his personal piggy bank. Notice I said ex?
“no” is a complete sentence
just break up with him.
Just tell him no or if you more comfortable say “no I can’t.” If you give him money, it’s not a loan it would be a gift. Since you will never see that money again.
Eh. Just tell him no. He sounds like a user and needs to learn somehow to be responsible
You’re probably really asked ng how you can tell him ” no” without upsetting him. You can’t. You make decisions about good uses of your money, and continually giving it to him is not a good use ( for you). If he dumps you because of it, you’ll really be much better off. If he’s abusive, blaming, cold etc. – or if he tries to guilt/shame you by calling you cold or stingy or whatever – he’s showing you the future you’d have with him.
But we can’t give you advice that will make him accept gracefully. That will either come from inside him, or it doesn’t exist.
My gosh…what does this relationship do for you? A relationship is more than just liking someone and having love for them…this guy is always broke and is totally mooching off of everyone in his life. You’re literally his pay pig, and I bet if any of you guys stopped giving him money, he’d cut you guys off instantly. Do yourself a favor and get away from him because a real man who is responsible and has something going for himself wouldn’t be begging the entire world for a handout!
Don’t date someone who financially irresponsible.
You just tell him no?? Personally this would be a deal-breaker for me, even when people are sort of broke that can be financially smart (and should be) since being broke isn’t always related to blowing money and being irresponsible. However he clealry is irresponsible. Don’t know how old you guys are but I would not date someone who is financially irresponsible and can’t understand that they shouldn’t be traveling when they need to aks others for money in order to do so. He’s not mature enough to be in an adult relationship.
You need to separate everything right now, even living quarters. He needs to earn his own money & provide for his own entertainment, pay his own bills for a while, go dutch on dates, u/Hahaboobaby.
Just tell him you can’t afford to do that right now and still meet your own savings goal.
You deserve to spend or save your money as you see fit. It’s nice of you to give him loans when you can, but if you’d rather save, or spend it on other things, that is your choice and yours alone.
“No”
You really wanna marry this guy? Sounds like a nightmare 😬 finances is one pillar of relationships you should be on the same page about (communication, religion, kids/parenting styles, career expectations, finances, household responsibilities, are a few to name)
You yell “NOOOOOOOO!” and mention how [they’re all gonna laugh at him](https://youtu.be/Qcx3fcNlnSM).
I don’t know that you owe him an explanation as to why you don’t want to loan him the money. I suggest anchoring to the fact that you don’t want to or can’t since that point can’t really be argued.
“I can’t right now. I’m really sorry but I just can’t. I really don’t feel comfortable taking it from my savings right now, sorry. I understand why this is important to you but I don’t feel that I have it to loan right now.”
I like these sorts of answers because they do not involve the other party’s money psychology at all. I also love that it doesn’t involve lying because feeling a way about your budget is a valid reason for not giving a loan. It has the added benefit that it doesn’t open you up to making a perceived judgement on the reason for the loan and how the money could better be used. It might make any future guidance about money/debt management seem less like judgement and more like guidance.
Hope this helps!
I guess the bottom line is he shouldn’t be asking you. The fact that he does and continues to do so shows his complete lack of boundaries and understanding of how hard people work for their money. Quit letting him mooch off you. PS – I’d say the same if the genders were reversed.
Has he ever paid back one dime of any loan you’ve given previously?
From experience, nothing you say will truly help, his lifestyle is based on external financing and it has worked so far for him so he doesn’t have incentive to correct his ways if he doesn’t see the error.
There is times in life where you have to leave people that aren’t leveling up with you. They will keep you down…. Sorry to be harsh but this ain’t your dude.
He needs to grow up a bit
No. It rolls off the tongue very smoothly and feels good too. Say it in French. No. Say it in Spanish. No. It’s a lovely lovely word.
Just say, “No.”
Do not include reasons because you don’t need to. If he doesn’t like your answer, too bad. He can get a job.
Tell him you just cannot do it. No IS a complete sentence as others have said.
My ex used me financially and let me tell you it is AWFUL. I think this guy should be your ex very, very soon. If you give him $100 later he’ll want a $1000 etc…. He has no financial boundaries and will drag you into his financial mess if you let him.
Ditch him
just tell him no. sounds like he is not responsible and you set a boundary with him about that and if he doesn’t respect it then leave
Sorry sounds like a liser. Curb!
You just say no I cant afford that right now. You generally dont loan out money without a timeframe on when you’re gonna get it back. You could breakup tomorrow and he ghost you never paying you back. Ive never asked for loans from anybody and always survived on what I produced AND supported my parents on those rainy days. No one likes to hear NO but its better than looking at/feeling the resentment in saying YES. Some people travel while in school(spring break, weekend, etc) but not big expensive travelling, that is Red flag. Considering how student debt is a major factor nowadays I would think he would be smart cause that idea of you getting you dream pay job out of college is a dream so few of us obtain.
“I wish I could help you, but I’m not in that financial position…. I know you understand”. No? Try.
Just so YOU are clear, he is going to do this your entire relationship. Do you want to be with someone who is going to financially ruin you?
Just say it, but include the why.
Know that spending differences do causes huge strain on the relationship. It’s better to communicate and sort it out sooner rather than later.
Learning to say no and not feel guilty can take practice. Try saying it out loud alone a few times. Also realize that if he gets upset, that actually shows his own character flaws.
Laziness and entitlement are both pretty big character flaws. That’s on him, not on you.
I don’t have the extra money.
Please don’t give him anymore money. He needs to be responsible and pay whatever he owes himself. This is no one else’s responsibility but his own. If he asks you for money, just say no and that you have other things your money has to go to. Encourage him to get a job.
You need to be firm and set a strong boundary. Financially irresponsible people can drag you into huge messes. Don’t let this happen to you.
No
“No. It’s my money”
Saw your history of posts and assuming it’s the same person, maybe you gotta consider if this is really the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
You say no and break up with him.