Hi there,
I was dating a really great woman for the past five weeks.
Over this weekend I let her know that I still am in contact with one former date (because her dog, which I loved dearly, died on Friday and she in my eyes needs comforting) I also let her know that I wished my ex happy birthday on Sunday (because she also wished me). She values my transparency.
My current date then said this contact with former dates / exes goes against her values, and she can’t see us in a relationship if I don’t stop that. So now we’re on a break.
I explained to her that the current contact with the former date is because I don’t want to block her when she’s so sad, and I told all my dates that if they need something in the future they can ask me. Not only in gratitude for making me happy, but in this case also because the death of the dog hit me really hard as well, and I feel the pain very deeply.
My current date thinks that the contact won’t end after the griefing process, but maybe continues if the former date gets depressed, and that’s not acceptable to her. She thinks my former date is keeping me on backburner, and in that her current boyfriend should be the support-giver. But I said I don’t want to abandon a good person in need.
So now I have this impossible choice, and it’s crushing me: should I tell a woman who has been very good to me that I’ll no longer be available during her grief (and possible depression) and keep my current date happy, or should I let my current date know that my opinion remains and let her go? What are other options?