I’ve been with my wife almost 10 years (married 4). We’ve been happily married but over the last few years I’ve started to notice that she’s farting more and more.
Now obviously, I know that as you become more comfortable with someone you let things relax and I’m not expecting her to wait until I leave the room to let one out. But the amount she does it is insane.
For example, this morning from the moment she woke up she started farting (4/5 times) and then tonight after dinner I counted her farting nearly 30 times (it could be more, but these were the ones that I could clearly hear).
I’ve tried to make the odd joke about it when I hear her sometimes, and she sometimes says “Pardon me” if it’s a particularly loud one and I look over, but the amount she does it is really making me start to resent her and find her less attractive in the process.
I obviously have flatulence like anyone else, but I try to sneak them out or wait until the coast is clear, and even then it’s nothing more than once or twice a night.
For context, she is overweight and has PCOS (diagnosed in her early 20s) but over the last 2 years has started to exercise more and lose weight (almost 10KG).
How do I carefully bring up the subject? Surely this amount of farting is not normal, right?
TL;DR – Wife farts a lot. It’s making me resent the relationship.
44 comments
If she’s farting 30x after a meal she needs to see a doctor
Lol she probably eats more vegetables now, but it sounds a little like ibs. Maybe bring it up and frame it that she should get it checked out my a doctor
Be a smart fella not a fart smella
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Dawg you been together ten years, and you still can’t have good communication with your partner? Just be straight up an tell her it bothers you. If she’s mature, she’ll realize that physical attraction is important, and that you are not trying to insult her.
Lol.. sorry I have nothing to add of substance
So, you have noticed that your wife is experiencing a sudden and dramatic change in her bodily function, with seemingly no explanation.
Instead of concern for her health, you’re irritated by how the change is affecting you.
“You fart too much” is completely unhelpful in this situation. “Honey, have you noticed that you’re farting a bit more than you used to? Do you think that there could be anything wrong?” is closer to the mark.
The way my fiancé tells me is “What’s going on? What’s wrong with you? Why are you doing this? Why do you hate me?” 😂
This is a health issue. Address it that way.
‘You seem more farty lately. Do you think you need to see a naturopath to check out your gut health? You’ve been extra healthy lately, wondering if something has upset the balance in your gut’
She is probably lactose and doesn’t realize it.
INFO: I’m just wondering, say you work out how to tell her she farts too much. What then? Where are you thinking this conversation is going next and what are you expecting her to do about it?
Because is not really a thing that’s in her control. So if you tell her she farts too much (with that specific approach) all that’s going to do is make her feel shame and embarrassment. So she’ll feel bad but not be able to stop farting because it’s not a choice she’s making.
The others commenting are correct, this is a medical issue. And starting a conversation based on “hey I’ve noticed, do you think summering has changed in other ways for you gut/digestive wise” IS a valid conversation but it didn’t necessarily mean anything can just be fixed.
Your wife’s diet may have thrown off her gut bacteria. She could be suffering from IBS. She could have too high, or too low stomach acid. She might have developed diverticulitis. Some things that cause this can be helped with changes in diet and supplements and other things are chronic illnesses. But nothing that would create that kind of change is just willful rudeness.
The key to answering you is: what are you expecting to come from this conversation.
ETA: I can’t imagine why you felt like we needed to know your wife had PCOS or anything about her weight (the only relevant fact is that she’s been dieting). If my husband posted that info about me in public when it wasn’t relevant I’d be pissed and assume he thinks badly of me.
Talk to her, maybe some Beano would help.
Seeing a doctor like others stated would be wise.
In the meantime whenever one lets loose, reply with a vocal fart noise to lighten the mood
In all honesty, if the roles were reversed and you had an uncontrollable problem, how would you want your partner to react. Don’t let the resentment build up and honestly/politely communicate. Set boundaries, by asking her to remove herself from your proximity to release if she has the opportunity to do so
No protein shakes for her eh
There is OTC medication readily available for this issue.
You should say it seems like she has a digestive issue, lactose intolerance I a common culprit for this one. Approach with concern not disgust.
It’s not uncommon for women your wife’s age, who suffer from reproductive issues such as PCOS, to start experiencing excessive gas. Beano and GasX ought to help.
Sir, you have committed to this woman on the deepest level, through sickness or health, with particular emphasis on the sickness. In this case, as with many others, this entails a deep and loving acceptance of each other’s bodies, as well as the assorted issues which come with them.
I therefore advise you to practice such acceptance. The next time your wife releases a fart, lean in close, and take a deep breath. Embrace her. Allow her to fart on you, smile, and say it’s all right. I have done the same, and it has worked marvels on our relationship.
And hey, since, you’re going there, why not give anal a try?
This is not something she is doing *to you*. This is something that is happening *to her*. She needs to see a doctor, not be told that you are starting to resent her for something completely out of her control.
One of my exes would get really snippy with me over the fact that on some days I farted a lot. He’d make incredibly crude and insensitive ‘not jokes’ about it. And honestly, I started to resent him. Turns out I was being berated for having a serious, life threatening medical condition, as some years after our breakup I was dx’d with celiac disease. It was like magic how a simple dietary change cleared up my farting problem.
You need to encourage her to see a doctor, not get snippy, make ‘jokes,’ or otherwise berate her, because that will poison the relationship without addressing the fact that she needs medical care. “I’ve noticed that you’ve had a lot more flatulence lately, more than seems normal, and I’m worried about you. I think you should talk to your doctor about it to see if there’s a medical cause.” You want to be coming from a place of love and wanting a long healthy life together. Make sure any resentment is shelved so it doesn’t come through in this conversation.
Maybe start with asking if she is ok and she wants to talk about anything. Then go in telling how you are concerned about her and that she might have some gastric issues. Ask if she wants to see a doctor.
Please google foods that cause gas such as any brassica (broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage) asparagus. Garlic, dairy (she may be lactose intolerant) frankly that you’re bitching about a bodily function when I’m sure you don’t smell like a rose is a bit hypocritical. or here’s a thought, talk to your wife about it. by the way, YTA
The farting is a big dietary health red flag, and it co-occurring with her weight loss is a second one. You need to politely raise it with her out of concern for her.
One thing that worries me here is that given your wife’s lack of response or apparent concern about this is that she might know what the cause is, and it’s one of those scary laxative teas or something.
There are a lot of products sold to women for weight loss that are useless, but there are a lot of others that are legitimately dangerous because they fuck with your digestion. A lot of those products influencers sell are just expensive ways to shit yourself. If your wife is using that kind of thing it could indicate an underlying body image issue or ED.
I yell at my husband to stop in a joking way of course. Honestly, farting so much is not very attractive and I am someone who prefers to keep it as private as possible. She’s getting too comfortable and you should tell her you don’t like it. Maybe she should see a doc
This is probably IBS, I’d sit her down and say something like “honey I’ve noticed you fart and a lot after we eat anything I’ve done some research that this means something could be wrong with your digestive system and I know I could be completely wrong or crazy I know I know, but could we see a doctor and just make sure everything is ok to put my mind at ease. I’m just over thinking it and would hate myself if it is something and I didn’t say anything” see now you saying that doesn’t make it sound like it bothers you. It sounds like you are worried that something is wrong and wanna make sure she’s ok while respectfully pointing out how much she farts. I’m also assuming you do care for her a lot so ya please get her to go to a doctor
Keep a food diary/flatulence. I react to potato and yeast in bread. Which I realised after keeping a diary that I am intolerant to certain foods. I often add probiotics or IBS calming pills when I want to eat certain things which helps.
A varied diet helps a lot, ie at least 20 different foods each day.
I also react to soda and never drink juice because too much sugar encourages the bad bacteria which makes more gas.
Im not a Doctor. However in my annecdotal experience weight loss and diet change made my ex wife have lots of gas via burping.
I understand youre not me but i think of her farts as her asshole calling for me LOL
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I always came home from work and smelled her ass so idk maybe im just fucked
Just ask her to stop. The medical concern is fine, whatever. But there’s an emotional concern here too. Her actions are making you uncomfortable and grossed out. Just say so. Even if there’s some “precedence” of doing it, you’re still allowed to change your mind about it and ask to change household habits. I wouldn’t take it for granted that this is necessary as you “get more comfortable.”
If she’s eating a lot of protein powder, and/ or just recently changed her diet to be healthier she’s going to fart heaps, especially whilst her body adjusts. But probably continually whilst she’s on protein powder, it just does that.
If your body needs to fart you are doing more damage holding it in or waiting then you are just farting more.
You need to man up a bit. You shouldn’t resent her because of a medical condition that may be hard to fix. You wouldn’t like it if the tables were turned, and she was grossed out by you.
That said, the condition does need to be addressed.
In terms of how to address it, my recommendation would be to invite one of her close family members (parents or siblings) over for dinner, and hope they notice and talk to her about it. Let a blood relative do the dirty work for you.
If that doesn’t work, you can also try directly changing her diet…since this is almost certainly tied to what she’s eating. You can say that you’re concerned the meals “haven’t been agreeing with her stomach”. That’s about as polite as you’re going to get, and if she’s not clueless, she’ll know what you’re talking about.
“EWWWW you stinky ass bitch stanking up my house with your wet stinky farts wtf did you eat you gassy bitch open a window at leasrt or put a plug in your stinky asshole and spare me the stink”, something like that.
I totally get u. After two years with my boyfriend I told him I didn’t mind him farting and now there’s not stopping him, I think he may be catching up on two years suppressed farting and I regret giving him the green light
You don’t say anything. Its natural bodily function and its not something we can control all the time. Why you are even counting is beyond me. Just laugh it off and keep living.
I mean, I fart A LOT when I have gluten and lactose, because I have celiac. Lol
But honestly, you sound like an ass. It’s a fart, ffs. If your dude friend came over and ripped ass 24/7 would you laugh? If the answer is yes, you’re being a jerk.
Lol I’ve always farted every hour
More after dinner
….lol…..now all the anti fart people will start saying oohhh she needs a Dr….lol…
It’s funny.
This reminds me of the idiotic pregnant woman who left her husband because she said he was farting and lied to her it was the dog.
When my husband farts back to back for that 10 in 30min streak right in front of my face I usually throw up and he’ll stop for a while
“Damnit woman quit shitting your ass in front of me”
> has PCOS (diagnosed in her early 20s) but over the last 2 years has started to exercise more and lose weight (almost 10KG).
Is she following low carb or keto to help with the symptoms of PCOS? Because if so, it’s possible she’s added maltitol to her diet, which would absolutely cause this.
In a more general sense, after she does it ask her if she’s feeling okay. If she asks why you’re asking, just say that she seems gassy so you were concerned.
Bruh you need to bring up the subject of seeing a doctor
It might be a food intolerance or even an allergy.
My dad had this issue with dairy and stopped eating it before I was born. I recently noticed the same thing related to dairy (while I was on keto lol so lots of dairy) and it’s eased since I cut dairy.
For instance, the reason dogs often have awful flatulence is because cheap dog foods use soy as filler agents.
You might talk to her about your concerns that perhaps she might have something in her diet that is causing this drastic change, and put it in terms of concern for her health.
So dietary changes such as eating lots of fiber, green vegetables, onion, high protein consumption etc. plus frequent exercise have in my experience a big impact on farting. Maybe she’s eating a little too much of it or is intolerant to some of the things (especially anything with milk and protein stuff). Generally those things aren’t bad things especially the plant based foods but it takes some time for your system to get used to it. If that doesn’t change and if there are other symptoms like diarrhea or stomach aches then there’s something wrong and she should see a doctor.
I don’t think it’s fair that you want to stop her from farting because holding it in can be painful. However asking to be more private about it is fair imo.
Just ask her to be more private about it and mention that she should maybe see a doctor.
Man, look into her diet, buy her some gas-x and discuss asking the doctor to check into ibs. It’s just gas. If she started shitting herself, I’d be concerned for her health. Certain foods make people gassy. It is what it is. Sucks that a totally human element to living can reduce your attraction to your wife. It’s not like she’s coming over and farting at you and laughing. Wait til she’s 70 and can’t hear them so thinks you can’t either.
She needs to see a doctor or have a look at her diet if she’s farting that much. She may have an intolerance to something or she’s drinking too much fizzy drinks.
Tell her you’re not upset about her farting, but concerned by how often she farts and if it’s a sign that she needs to see the doctor.
I gotta ask, whats your plan here? You tell her she farts too much and she magically stops needing to?
Sounds like my celiac, it often had a sudden onset for people. Definitely something has changed in diet or the digestive system