Gf reconsidering relationship after I asked if she’s happy with us
This is going to be a long one as there’s so much to unpack
So I (23m) have been in a relationship with my gf (23f) for 4 years. We were great together, fun and healthy sex life too. Obviously we had arguments here and there but nothing too major to be considered a bad relationship
Unfortunately her mum passed away last year in June. This took a huge toll on her as expected. And I was there every step of the way. I even offered time and space in case she wanted it to process everything and grief but she always denied and said she wanted me there next to her, which I did.
However, she used weed to get through these feelings, more like numb the feelings she felt at the time, so I don’t think it allowed her to grieve properly. And within 3/4 months she was fine and even attempted to go back to work but that didn’t work so she quit. I’ve always tried to support her but I also be real with her and tell her that weed isn’t the solution and she needs to face these feelings sober and properly to get over the grieving stage
She never liked it when I said that and always said she wants to grieve in her own way, which was fine by me but I was constantly looking for ways to help her get through it. And most of our fights and arguments after her mum’s death was mainly related to grief and how I would be looking at solutions and she would not like to hear that and would just want me to listen instead. So recently, we had a huge fight as she was against coming to a bday dinner, and I asked if she felt happy in the relationship
In the moment she said yes but over that weekend she must have been thinking herself about it and started to reconsider our relationship. And my guess is that she also started to process her mum’s death properly (she used to brush aside her feelings most times)
This led to her being cold towards me, slower replies, etc… so I asked if everything is ok because I felt a weird vibe between us that I’ve never felt before and that’s when she dropped that she needs time to think about us (this was back in mid Feb and shes still not made her mind up)
She told me that she’s got so much love and feelings but it’s all going towards her mum and can’t give any to me, and I told her that’s fine and I’m willing to wait while she grieves properly. But she also mentioned that she wants to put some boundaries in place (no kissing, sex, inappropriate touching, etc…) so basically platonic friends in a way, but we do cuddle and hold hands in public which is what confuses me
We had a talk yesterday again as I wanted to know whether she’s losing attraction to me and she thinks she is, and that this whole time she was kind of practicing on being alone or not be intimate with me
Now I think that if she manages to grieve properly, our relationship would be back to being how good it was, but her saying she doesn’t feel attracted, I don’t know if that’s a permanent thing or temporary as she’s still grieving. I feel like this is a one in a million scenario and we are the unlucky ones to experience it
Would anyone have any idea on whether I should let her go or stick around?
P.S. Since we had the first talk regarding her reconsidering our relationship, it’s been 3 weeks since. And she still needs time (mainly because she’s been busy with family stuff so idm, but how long till I should give up)