I’m happy but I could be happier (29 F with 32 M), how do I know what is the right thing to do?

\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : What are your experiences with this type of situation where you’re happy with someone and they’re not a bad person but you could maybe be happier with someone else? especially when you’re not in your early 20s anymore and every decision seems to really impact your future.

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I’m a 29 F and my bf 32 M. Some context: we have been together for 1 year and it has been my longest relationship so far. He has had a few serious relationships and is a very committed guy. We moved in together 2 months after meeting because I had some issues with my lease, so it just happened and it was great. At month number 4 I went through a strong adaptation phase where I was getting to know him for his true colors. Nothing bad, just reality.

We have plans for the future and it’s pretty serious, none of us are messing around (I’ve never been one to do so anyway).

My only issue is I’m happy but there are many things I don’t like about him and I know no one is perfect, but at this point, I don’t know if I want to be here anymore. He’s not bad, but he’s not amazing either. Some little things that I see as potential red flags for the future are that his first instinct when he’s caught doing something is to 1) lie to defend himself/minimize the situation or 2) start looking for who to blame. He doesn’t seem to own his mistakes and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve told him it’s okay to not be perfect and mess up, but I can’t stand lies. It’s mostly for small things: he smokes every now and then and I hate smoking because my grandpa passed away from lung cancer, so it’s a thing for me. We agreed that he would do it at parties but not at home. One time I caught him doing it and he first said it wasn’t true, next he admitted it was true but that it was only one puff, and so on until days later he finally recognized what he did (he’s not an addict or anything, but it’s an example of how he tries to protect himself right away).

When I brought up that I noticed that we’re not being intimate and I just wanted to check in with him that his needs were being met, he lowkey blamed me for it with things that didn’t make sense and right away got defensive . It was such a turn off that now I don’t feel attracted to him anymore because I just don’t feel seduced.

I find myself constantly trying to have an open channel of communication and I know he struggles with it. He says it’s something we can work on but I don’t know if I want to deal with it. Of course I’m not perfect either, but I spend a lot of time being introspective and trying to talk about it.

It’s also very important for me to feel protected and I don’t really feel that way sometimes (this is more in an instinct/animal way than a rational thing; I can’t really explain it). He’s not very proactive and we have talked about “gender roles” (I’m quite traditional tbh and he is as well) and I do mine but he doesn’t seem to fully embody his protector role.

As I said, none of us are messing around and would like to build a future together, but the more I get to know him, the more I don’t know if I want to raise a family with him.

He’s not a bad guy at all, but I have been with men who make me feel protected, make me laugh and are amazing people. I just didn’t stay long enough with them (long distance or things like that) to see what it would be like 2 years down the road.

I’m wondering if all relationships are like this. I know I would be happier with someone else, but maybe just 25% happier which is not that much either. And I know that person would also have some flaws.