Hi! I know it might be stupid to ask on reddit this because no one really knows me here but I just want to express somewhere how I feel. I’m quite new in a city for my study…actually 2 years but with covid it feel like life began a few months ago because almost everything was closed. I tried to make friends at my university but most of them already have a group friend/ they are introverted. I just have “friends” at uni to hang out between classes or ask about courses. I know a lot people from my country and my school but I hang out very rare with them. I feel quite left out. It’s true that I rarely ask them to hang out in the group chat because I’m not the type of person who initiates going out. However, sometimes I try to ask some girls out and they say yes but they don’t usually invite me anywhere. At first one of them did and afterwards no more. The other one hangs out with the others and only invites me if I invite her the same day. We are from the same country/school and that’s why we know each other and usually hang out. I don’t get why they don’t invite me… I have my best friends from high school but they are in other cities and I feel quite isolated here. I just don’t understand why. I feel like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t get it. My self esteem is kind of low but I try not to show it. However, a part of me thinks good things about me…like…I think I’m quite funny, friendly, sometimes too kind (maybe a lil people pleaser sometimes – not good for me tho) and in general a good company, I really care about people, I have a lot of things to talk about like art, music, movies or fun facts and I like the fact that others think I’m a lil bit crazy but in a good way:) Those things were also said from people in the past or from my closed frinds now. Ofc I have also a lot of flaws but they usually affect me not others…I mean I’m not toxic to others or stuff like that just rude to myself sometimes:))). I still don’t get it why I am so isolated here…I ask myself somtimes if I’m really all those good things…maybe they are just in my head…I don’t get it…and I’m also pretty quiet most of the time in big groups…Why do I bother them? Why do I feel like nobody thinks to invite me as well? Maybe I’m invisible for them but it’s not like there aren’t people in the group who are extroverted and also a lil bit introverted sometime. I I don’t expect to find other bffs in this group or another…I just want to hang out with someone. Any ideas what to do?
3 comments
Hey, maybe you can find new friends to hang out with. If the ones you know are not giving you the time of day, I think it’s best to find others that will appreciate your company. Some young people are so stuck up and quite picky with who they hang with, so I guarantee that nothing is wrong with you. I get that you’d like to go out, have fun and socialize, but try to find those who seem genuine and accommodating.
Hey, the behaviour of people and people in groups is sometimes hard to explain. You tried and it sounds like you are a nice person to be around and hang out with.
In general a good way to meet new people is by doing activities that you like. You will have that in common with everyone there. Some of my friends met friends during cooking classes & clubs, book clubs, trips. There might be some online Meetup like websites near you.
It sounds you have enough interests to find something you would like. Sometimes it is easy, I asked my friend how she got to the cooking club and she said “I just put an advert in a magazine”. She now meets every month.
For being social in groups, I think I have that too. I am a social person, sometimes even too much (talking) for others. In groups somehow it is not the same. It’s a different thing an not my strong point. I am at peace with it.
It sounds like you didn’t actually click with these girls and are just desperate to have anyone to hang out with. This is not a mutually beneficial exchange.
You are not a pickup artist, so there is nothing you can do to force a spark or to get people to like you. Most people feeling neutral about you is not a sign of your worth. This is normal. People are just all different and naturally most are not gonna see part of themselves in you, and you, in them.
You can be the best person you can be to them while they are in your presence and not worry about the outcome or what you get out of it. What they think about you is less important than what you think about them.