I [F23] found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and I’m afraid of my fiancé [M28] mom knowing. Since the beginning of our relationship she has always been involved even in our most intimate moments. We started dating when he was 25 and I was 21 and we still lived with our parents. She was shocked to know that whenever he spent the night over that he would sleep in my bed with me. And was shocked that my mom allowed it. She would even remind him to use condoms. I’m saying this so you can get an idea of their relationship. She’s very clingy and treats him like a kid. When he told her that we were engaged she said “are you sure this is what you want?” Never said congrats. And just recently she told him that I manipulate him with not just their relationship but with everything all because he missed a call from her. She doesn’t even know me. She never took the time out to even try. And now this week my fiancé is going to break the news to her. I am terrified. I’m afraid that she’s going to say something bad like our engagement and now knowing that she thinks I’m manipulative is making me so nervous. His mom is not with his dad and I have such a better relationship with him. It’s like night and day. Any advice?
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You need to get over wanting to make her happy or having her accept your relationship, because it sounds like it won’t happen. If she wants to miss out of celebrating her grandchild, let her, but don’t let this take away from your happiness. Focus on the good relationships in your life and build on those, don’t chase after people who don’t bring joy to your life.
You should not be putting yourself through such stress. Your fiancé needs to talk to his mom about her controlling behavior. He’s a grown man and mom needs to back off. If he has to cut ties with her, sometimes that is best for some people for their peace of mind. I wish you a safe delivery!
Ugh you may want to get acquainted with r/JUSTNOMIL because I have a feeling you are going to need them
my boyfriend’s mom is the same way. i prefer not to talk to her. my only advice is to keep your distance from her while encouraging your fiancé to keep a healthy relationship, so it doesn’t seem like you’re pushing him away from his mom. and also, please remember any negative words she could say to or about you are coming from a place of HER insecurity, it has nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her so please try not to listen
My advice is prepare for the worst because she’s probably not going to say congratulations. I think you’re right and thinking she will say something negative and hurtful which you’ll have to somehow brush off or take it to heart (don’t do this, do brush it off) but this will be a pattern with her probably the rest of your relationship so until it becomes a real problem to where you have to go no contact or something you have to find a way to not let it bother you too much or avoid it all together. Maybe you could request that your fiancé never tell you the things that she says especially if they’re bad and then you only have to hear it if you see her yourself. Congratulations though and I’ll say it one more time since you probably won’t hear from her so twice congratulations and …good luck!
Let everybody know. And proceed to enjoy your man and baby.
When she says something bad, don’t engage. Do not stress yourself out trying to make this woman like you. It’s not personal. She would probably hate anyone her son dated because they would be taking her baby boy away from her.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. His mom seems really controlling and obsessive. I suggest maybe thinking about cutting ties with her it’s only going to get worse when the baby comes unfortunately l
Well, it sounds like she was right to remind him to use condoms, because he obviously wasn’t mature enough to do it himself.
That’s not treating him like a child that’s being old fashioned/overly safe. He is her child.. and on top of that she doesn’t like you. You need to get in a space where as far as she’s concerned it doesn’t bother you.
Just to clarify- do you all still live with either set of parents?
While she may be overinvolved, she was right to remind y’all to use condoms while you’re still living with your parents. It seems unlikely that you’d be in a financial place to support a child when you’re not paying for independent lodging
Due to your other comments about how she treats him like a husband and less like a son, do some research on “covert incest”. If you have to deal with this woman (which, damn, I feel for you, I’m sorry) it may help you cope to be able to look at her through the lens of a case study and less as the monster in law you’re dreading the inheritance of. People like her – the big personalities that seem hell bent on making you miserable – can be easier to bear when you see the sad, lonely, dysfunctional person curled up inside.
Humanizing her in this way will help you internalize her resentment less and prepare you for the skill that you’re gonna have to get damned good at: flicking away every micro aggression, passive insult, every little needling thing she injects into your communications – like a fly.
You are an inevitability in her life – her son has found love/wants to start his own family. She may struggle greatly with accepting this. Don’t make it your struggle by thinking for a second that she’ll change any time soon. Expect her to be this way and prepare yourself for it. It’s her problem, not yours.
And hey, congrats on the baby! This sounds like a happy thing. Don’t let her sully your joy.
Bookmark r/JUSTNOMIL – you’ll need it soon.