I 26 (M) resent my girlfriend of 5 years and don’t know what to do
I 26 (M) have been dating my girlfriend, let’s call her Monica (not her real name) going on 5 years now. I would say from and outside perspective we are the perfect madly in love couple everyone sees us as. From her perspective we are the dream team as well and madly in love. Then there’s me.
My feelings of resentment and sadness grow by the day and I honestly feel like I’m going to explode and here’s why. From the beginning of the relationship I pay for I would say about 90% of dates/ activities. This includes nice dinners, small vacations, day dates etc. but within the the last two years I have really stepped up my game up as man but focusing financially on our future because we want to get married soon. Not only that but I have struggles with depression since I was 16 and struggle sometimes but have really sucked it up for her always being emotionally available and a supportive partner. I buy her clothes and constantly buy her gifts because she is a big saver and doesn’t like to spoil herself so I do.
Here is the issue, for the majority of the relationship in our young 20’s I usually worked more than her and made more money. Even with that she was able to save a lot of money being that we lived with our parents separately and I was paying rent and she was not with her family. Well in the past 2 years she has moved up in her job making about 56k a year. I was so freaking happy for her promotion because she worked so damn hard. My yearly income is about 32k being far less than hers yet still pay for all of activities and dates plus having to pay about $1,100 in rent a month to my parents while I build my career. But I’m starting to think things aren’t what I thought.
She has saved a total of around 40k since we started dating and very much liked to avoid the topic because she claims it’s for school(which that would be amazing) if I believed it. I have barely been able to save being the person funding our relationship activities and has left me resenting her. Because I suspect her dad is actually funding her school and she is lying to me and stacking money while I continue to fund things. Some indications I have of this of her periodically flexing her saving yet it keeps going up with no expenses while her school is magically paid for. Also I feel she uses weaponized incompetence in order for me to buy things she needs such as clothes and shoes due to her neglecting to buy them herself knowing I will.
To clarify she does love me truly and I love her and has gave me 0 indication she is intentionally using me but I feel she is unintentionally. We plan on moving in together in August to an apartment but I am terrified as she expects me to pay the rent and for her to pay the utilities/ groceries which isn’t equal. I wake up some mornings and feel like i hate her and she is ruining my life in trying to save for what i thought was our future.
lastly there is an issue pertaining to the bed room and how i don’t feel i am sexually safe with her. she hates my kinks/interests in the bedroom and has dragged me along thinking she does too but confessed she secretly hates them. lately my body just rejects sex or i just dont want to at all and has taken a mental toll on me to my absolute brink.
thank you guys, if you need me to elaborate more on a certain issues i will try to reply quickly.
TL;DR : My gf of 5 years seems to be using me unintentionally to where she is financially set for the future while I have been funding our relationship activities alone and she knows I don’t make enough to save.