I’ve been living with “Erin” since 2019. When we first moved in together, we both had jobs, we split rent and bills, and we shared chores and cleaned up after ourselves. In 2020, Erin was laid off due to the global situation. I was able to find another job that paid enough to cover bills and rent, so I agreed to do so until Erin could find another job. To make things fair, she took over all the housework and chores and cooked meals.
Now in 2022 we still have this same arrangement, because we decided that it just worked well for both of us. Erin likes taking care of the house, I like not having to take care of the house, and she does have some income from her side-hustle so it’s not like I’m giving her an allowance or anything.
I recently got into a conversation about the arrangement with my mother, and she is aghast at hearing that I’m expecting Erin to do “wife stuff” for me and that putting her in a “housewife” role is going to prevent her from being able to get into a relationship. (For the record, I’m gay. Erin is straight but as far as I’m aware not currently interested in dating.) I thought my mom was being ridiculous, but I asked a friend for their opinion and they admitted that everyone in our friend group kind of thinks our arrangement is weird but never wanted to bring it up.
Am I taking advantage of Erin, or are my friends and mom just being close-minded?
tl;dr: My roommate and I have “traditional household roles” without being in a relationship, is that weird?
4 comments
It’s very much a traditional housewife/husband relationship, i think it’s likely the role will get in the way of traditional relationships but more significantly I think maybe you should check in with Erin to see how she’s feeling about it. Especially in terms of feeling able to voice any problems if she’s dependent on you to have a roof over her head. But if she’s happy and you’re not preventing her from job hunting in any way, you seem to have a lovely platonic partnership.
It can be “weird.” That’s fine. Sometimes weird works. As long as you two are happy and this works who gives a fuck?
I’ve had several “non weird” standard roommate situations before and they were shitty as hell. If your thing works for the two people in the room, that’s all that matters.
That said, I would do a check in to make sure Erin doesn’t have feelings for you. She may know a real relationship is off the table and is settling, or perhaps hoping you’ll, uh, “change your mind” someday. It would be a bummer if your happy situation is her secret prison. Just check in and if nothing’s wrong on her end, keep on truckin.
It’s a little weird and I can see why your mom would react like that — is Erin giving up a lot of valuable career development time to cook and clean? What happens to her when you decide to stop being roommates?
yes ignore your mom, whatever works , works.