TL;DR: boyfriend on amazing trip of a lifetime without me for weeks, time difference and lack of contact making me anxious after a bad week.
Been with boyfriend for a year. I posted already. I feel pathetic even writing this but I struggle with anxiety, I have OCD and struggle from trauma so am quite codependent and insecure.
My boyfriend is so lovely and he’s had a 3 week trip booked for years now with his friend, he booked it before he met me and it kept getting cancelled due to covid. He’s gone 3 days ago and I’m so sad about it.
I’m so excited for him but it’s also been an awful few weeks. I’ve started new medication so I’ve been extra anxious, nit picking and always asking him questions. Like a self fulfilling prophecy lol. It’s got to the point where he told me it’s been hard, draining and taking up all his time. He’s reassured me to not worry, that everything will be ok, he’s happy and there are no issues, but I can tell he’s ever so slightly off and I’m now the more affectionate one because he used to be and now things aren’t quite the same. He said it’s just because it’s been hard and that he will be himself again soon.
He went 3 days ago and I’m trying to be okay but I haven’t heard from him much at all. He’s been posting a fair amount on Instagram but hasn’t kept me updated much and he doesn’t have data outside of the hotel.
I can’t talk about it because it’ll ruin his holiday and I want him to have a great time. Things don’t seem quite right and it’s going to be a seriously long 3 weeks especially as I won’t hear from him much due to the time difference 🙁
5 comments
You’ll regret it if you ruin his trip. You need to give him the space to enjoy himself. Maybe increase the frequency of your therapy appointments while he’s gone?
OK, all fine and valid feelings here. Diagnosis: you are a thinking feeling human. 🙂
Starting new meds sucks, you have my sympathy. During lockdown I tried 8 different types of antidepressants in a one year timespan, while living alone in a single room apartment, lol, so I get it.
From experience, if we depend too heavily on our partners to meet our needs, we end up suffocating the relationship to death, no matter how much they love us.
Also, just for you, it’s good for you to know you’re OK and you can love yourself.
I’m getting an all or nothing vibe here – is it the case that there’s no-one else you could spend time with, or is that how it feels?
Sometimes if the relationship has been a whirlwind (this can be a red flag or fine and good) we lose touch with other people we haven’t caught up with in a while. Has that happened here?
For now I think you should have a long bath or shower, put on PJs and bingewatch something you like watching. If you have the urge to text him every three minutes, maybe you can start writing him an episodic love letter for when he gets back? That way you give him space to follow his dream and you can still feel connected to him.
And make a list of 5 ways you can increase your self care routine. Lots of treats for you x
Try to keep urself extra busy
Omg! I’m going through the same thing rn but he’s only gone for almost two weeks. He left Saturday and I’ve just been so anxious and depressed and I just want time to speed up until he gets back. I would definitely tell him that you’d appreciate a call or text every once in a while (which is perfectly normal btw). You’re not ruining his trip by asking how he is, you’re his partner. It sucks because you want to talk to him but can’t. I understand that. I would try to preoccupy yourself and make sure to keep up with medication (I also have anxiety). Maybe try a new hobby? Like painting or something therapeutic in your free time. You got this🤍
I hope you are seeing a therapist for your trauma and OCD. If this is the case, contact them and ask for methods to cope with your anxiety et al.. If not, make an appt.