This is maybe going to be long, and even if i don’t get any replies, it’s good to get that out of my chest.
I (M22) met a girl (F20) about a year ago at a party. We exchanged contact, partied again the next week and started dating. We were both working hard, lived 60km apart, but we were able to meet once a week or so. Our relation was perfect, very romantic. I did my best to make her feel loved, she needed it because she was in really bad times before we met.
The thing is, she was in an open relationship with a guy she didnt really like, and didn’t see often. When she started telling me she wanted to travel to Paris with me (that was a month after we met), I told her I felt uncomfortable going with a girl that was engaged. So we decided to remain friend for the time she broke up with him, and we traveled together for a weekend (we live in France so going to Paris is not complicated). Then she went back to her country to visit her family for a month. When she came back, she told me she broke up with that guy.
Problem : I am very shy and have a lot of isuues when it comes to make the first move if I’m not 200% sure about the other person’s feelings (and she is quite shy when it comes to expressing feelings). So we remained friends for about 4 month. Even though I wanted to be more than friends (and I think she did too), we’ve spent amazing time together. When I first kissed her again after these 4 months, she told me she met a guy a few days ago and liked him. Terrible timing.
We stayed friends about 2 month after she started dating that new guy. But then very suddenly she deleted me on insta. I asked her for explanations on whatsapp, she didnt open the message. I had no contact with her for month. I have met the guy before, and he was VERY toxic : very jealous, didnt leave her breathe, making her feel guilty for lots of thing… I know this guy hated me, and was the reason she deleted my contacts.
I met them at a party a month ago, she tried talking to me and dancing with me all night long, but i ignored her. At some point she came and said she was very sorry (she genuinly looked sorry) and said she had to “make a choice”.
2 days ago she contacted me on whatsapp. She said she broke up with the guy, and apologized for everything and told me he was going to kick her out of his house if she talked to me. Her message was very sincere, full of regret, and said she cried a lot because of what she did after I gave her so much love. The next day she sends me a photo of her at the hospital, saying she had a big panick attack after she broke up with Mr Toxic.
I really struggle to understand her behavior. Does she want to be friends again with me ? Or more ? It’s really hard to say. It’s like she’s trying to get my attention back, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I’ve kept my replies very short, but still showed her I was concerned about her health.
I feel very dumb saying this, but during the time she cut contact with me, I never stopped thinking about her, we got along so well, and I know the situation is not completly her fault. I deeply regret not making a move to get her back when we were friends.
I really don’t know what to do. If I forgive her and start seeing her again, I’m afraid our friendship (or more) won’t be the same after what happened. I would also feel dumb doing this after what she did, as if I was very weak and manipulable.
What would you do in my situation ?
Tell me if you need me to explain something more in detail.