I was in an amazing healthy relationship with a beautiful girl for 3 years. Yeah we were not perfect, but we were so understanding of one another and not dependent on each other at all. We knew we had our own lives and overall it was just a really mature and healthy relationship considering our age. We were a thing since sophomore year of high school. We are both in our sophomore year of university, but we go to schools across the country.
So pretty much, early January I was celebrating my housemates birthday drinking and all that. They brought up the idea of the strip club and I was hesitant, but everyone in the house was nagging and I ended up giving in. Being pretty intoxicated, I ended up getting a lap dance, felt extremely guilty, and left early on my own. I am aware that I am at fault and I am not putting any blame on being drunk or my friends.
After this, I told my parents, older sister, and some uncles and aunts. They all told me the same thing along the lines of why should I tell her, it will just ruin the relationship and she will resent me for it. They also said what I did was no big deal and it wasn’t cheating. After a month or so of listening to their advice, I still felt horrible inside and could not function because of the guilt I felt. A couple days after valentine’s day, I ended up explaining to my gf everything that happened. I took full responsibility, gave her time and space to think. During this week long period of her analyzing her feelings, I made it clear to her that I know how much I hurt her and I am deeply sorry for my actions. I also told her I am willing to do whatever it takes so we can work on the relationship and not give up. I gave her some ideas of how I am going to better myself, such as focusing more in school to graduate a year early, and surrounding myself with good-hearted people. I also explained how I know I shouldn’t have kept something from the girl I saw my future with, and that I definitely am going to learn from this.
After that week of her figuring it out, she told me that she could not do the relationship no more because I broke her trust. She can not focus and doesn’t have time to rebuild her trust in me. She has an athletic scholarship for her school, so I completely understood. I told her as much as I want to make the relationship work on my end, I know what I did to her and I am not going to try to convince her otherwise. We said our goodbyes, she preferred we have no contact but said she did not want to never talk to me again, and that she doesn’t know about the future but for now she needs space. Another thing is she said what I did was along the lines of cheating, but she cannot see me as a cheater. Last thing she said to me was that she is always going to remember this relationship as being so amazing.
I feel like I took all the accountability I could have took, I didn’t want to be immature and not acknowledge my wrongdoing or anything of that. I feel as if I did everything in my power of trying to salvage the relationship while also fully respecting her choice and wants. We have been no contact for a month practically already, and even though I know contacting her will just do harm to both of us, I find my self going back and fourth contemplating asking for a second chance. I guess I am trying to convince myself that maybe there is more I could have done to make it work. I was with this girl for a long time and planned my future with her, yet this one mistake of mine caused it to end. I don’t even know if I would deserve another chance. Curious to know what you guys think, and if I should follow through with asking her.
TLDR; Got a lap dance, broke my gf trust, explained to her I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. We broke up and I want to ask her for a second chance.