I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years this April and we’ve been together for 5 years. We recently closed on a house and stopped by his parents house to pick up some boxes that he had stored there from his time in college. The other night we were going through some of the boxes and I found an old iPad and phone of his. I asked what he wanted to do with them and he mentioned maybe giving them to my nephew to play games on since he is always wanting my sister’s phone or mine when they visit.
We worked on unloading more stuff and before he turned in for the night. I figured I could go through the iPad and phone and delete stuff off it. I got a bit nosey and instead of deleting the pictures and videos en mass I decided to scroll through them. I found a dozen sex tapes my husband made with an ex of his. I knew this was from before he met me and I expected to feel some jealousy but instead I was incredibly turned on. How do I know it was before I met my husband? In the videos he had no tattoos and he had 4 when we met. Watching my husband dominate her in a way he never has with me is stuck in my head. It has made me incredibly aroused. I deleted all the pictures and videos on both devices and the next morning I told him what I found but I wasn’t upset and that I deleted all of it. He thanked me and seemed embarrassed and said he forgot about those and was glad I did. I looked up his ex and she is still single but lives on the other side of the country.
Unable to get those videos out of my head I initiated sex for the first time in ages. My husband was confused at first but glad to see me initiate. The entire time we were having sex I kept replaying those videos in my head and pretending I was watching him fuck his ex. For the first time in my life I had an orgasm from penetration and it was by explosive and had me shaking. That was the first of many that night as I couldn’t get enough. I feel a sense of shame but that shame turns me on to an incredible degree. My husband asked what got into me and that whatever it was that he enjoyed being able to make me come undone in such a way. I told him he was just hitting the right spot and that it felt amazing.
How do I tell my husband how I feel and that the thought of him fucking his ex turns me on? How do I tell him that I want to watch him fuck her in person and maybe even other women? Is this a phase for me? I have no trauma or anything to explain why I feel this way. My sex life before my husband was one other man and that didn’t last long. A few short term relationships that resulted in making out but nothing else. I really want to explore this if my husband is willing.