The friend in question and I have been talking with each other online for over a year now and I have grown attached to her. Partially because I am a loner and don’t really have much of a social life. I have a few other friends online but because of the huge time difference and just not being close, I can only talk with them only sometimes. But the F friend has grown as my literal best friend in the last few months and I really enjoy their company. They kind of helped me go through some tough times just by being there and talking with me, somewhat including me in her life. And that is enough for me to get through days without thinking I am a burden to this earth.
But recently she has been quite busy with her personal life, which is understandable and not actually the problem. But she would still make some plans with me to either watch something together or play some games together. I would get the games we plan to play and wait to play with her but it doesn’t happen. Which, again is not the problem since I understand things come up and you can’t follow through. But then I would see her making similar plans with other mutual friends and going through it. Not going to lie but that makes me feel jealous. I don’t know the whole situation, maybe the mutual friend and her didn’t spend a lot of time together and she is doing that to remedy that. And yet I feel left out when I see that happening and unhealthy jealousy takes over me, even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way. Maybe she doesn’t have the same kind of deep feeling I have for her, or maybe I was being too clingy and she is feeling a bit burnt out.
As I said before, I have been a loner most of my life so I don’t know how to deal with this, so I ask you guys for help. What can I do so I just don’t feel this way? I do want to emphasize one more time that I do not know her situation or how exactly she feels about me. It is most likely that I am being an Idiot and overthinking. She does usually say she likes spending time with me after I say I had a great time with her. But I am not 100% sure if she is saying that just to be nice or she genuinely feels that way. And I know I have probably left out a bunch of stuff so if you want to know about anything in more detail, I will answer that.