Okay so… ever since I[25m] was a teen I stumbled onto a certain fetish porn (watersports and stuff related to it) that I found I really liked. So fast forward over the years it has become overwhelmingly my #1 source of arousal. Needless to say, it’s always been my main consumed porn and stuff.
But now I’m starting to realize that I don’t like it this way. I don’t have any real sexual experience (yeah, kinda lame at this age) but the very few chances I had (like 3?) to get physical with girls, I couldn’t get hard. And even when masturbating alone, I *can* get off to other stuff/porn and I find other sexual activity appealing/hot/desirable, I don’t get hard to it nearly as easily as to the fetish stuff. Like in fetish content I have a much easier time getting an erection just from consuming it, when masturbating to anything else I have to actually physically stimulate myself to get an erection (and they sometimes are not that strong?).
And even stuff that a “normal guy” should get turned on (like seeing naked women), being physical with them etc. I purely get mentally turned on by it and horny, it’s not enough to make me hard by itself. Again I remember being 17 and a girl trying to give me a handjob and I just couldn’t get hard.
While I’m not ashamed about having a fetish and I enjoy it, I don’t want it to be the only aspect of my sexuality. I want to (one day) have a satisfying and fun sex life even if the chance of finding a partner who is into the same thing is pretty low and obviously I don’t expect (nor want it to) to be my only sexual activity. Honestly at this point I’d be happy just to have any sex partner.
So rn I’m single (and have been for a *long* time) and freaking out about this potentially preventing me from having a normal sex life ever. Again I know people have kinks and stuff, but I’d like mine to not be this strong/prevalent forever. So yeah, I’m feeling pretty sexually frustrated rn and find the idea of “normal sex” very much desirable, I’m freaking out about not being able to have it.
Have I messed my brain up for focusing on this type of stuff so much during puberty? Will I ever be able to have a normal sex life? Or have I bounded myself to basically celibacy?