part 1: i’ve been hanging out with this guy for 2 months now. we talked about the idea of a relationship, he told me that was his intention but then said there are some things he still wants to know about me before entering a relationship and a few things that have to happen (example: him meeting a few of my friends, he hasn’t met any of mine but I have met some of his) (I guess he takes relationships seriously and knows what he wants–at first I took it as a “why are you unsure about me” but then reframed my thinking into “I value that he has a clear idea of what he wants and takes relationships seriously and I respect this boundary at the moment.) Two months isn’t that long and we only see each other once a week so we haven’t had much time together so I do understand where he’s coming from and he did offer the reassurance that the relationship is his intention.
As much as I do like him and I’m trying to be patient, I think if we are not in a fully committed relationship by the end of next month… I am going to give an ultimatum. I think ultimatum is a strong word but I don’t know what else you’d call it. I’m thinking of approaching it like “hey I know we had this talk a while back and you told me that’s where it was going but a relationship is something that I’m looking for and you can’t offer me that commitment, I may have to take a step back.” Now some of you may say “but you enjoy spending time with him don’t ruin it!” or “is a title really that important?”–to answer that..yes I enjoy spending time with him but as I mentioned, a committed relationship is something very important to me and something that I desire and I feel like I shouldn’t have to compromise what I want in life just to keep someone around. As far as the title thing, it’s important to me to have the stamp and security of “this is what we are.”
Have any of you guys ever done this and has it worked out?? Also, how long was the longest you’ve waited for a relationship?? My best friend waited 4 months so I’m not too concerned about my situation at the moment..just curious
5 comments
Giving any human an ultimatum especially if you love, or have feelings for them is a very shit thing to do and I hope they create some space from whoever is putting them through that.
I would just simply move on if you aren’t getting the reciprocity you desire.
One of my best friends dated a girl for like 5 months/ half a year i think, until they were a couple. Me on the other hand, my gf and i dated and was a couple with 1,5 month lol.
We only met once a week in the first 2 weeks, then we would meet more and more frequently. So at 1,5 month we were spending most of the week together, and we were obviously in love with each other.
I dont ever think ultimatums work, but i think its ok to be patient. I think yes, 3+ months of dating is kinda weird and if you haven’t figured out what you want, its either because you havent been in a relationship before and kinda clueless, or you’re not interested in comitting.
As long as you guys dont meet up more frequently, i would focus on changing that
You’re about to be single if you do that fyi.
What would a title change? Is he seeing other people and you want him to stop? Do you want to see him more often? Are there activities he currently won’t do with you? Talk about what you actually want out of the relationship. What does bf/gf mean to you? What do you want to be different than it is now?
You can still ask for exclusivity, that would honour your needs as well as give him the space he needs.
It would be a dick move of him if he is still seeing other people despite dating you for two months.
Good to know you acknowledge your own needs.