I F 42 slept with my best friend of 4 years M 40 and don’t know how to process what happened. We’ve been on and off as friends for the last 4 years, we both have our issues and “red flags” but when we are together we are super close and have helped each other through some major issues; my divorce, his addictions.
I’ve always been open to taking things further and we have got intimate without having sex a couple of times over the years. The last few weeks he has had some close to death experiences and each time wanted to be near me. The last one resulted in hospitalisation from which he has been staying with me through recovery. So last night he made the move and even though I’d told myself I wasn’t going to open myself to be hurt again I let the moment happen. But now I feel so numb to it all. I thought I would feel more love/connected to him but just felt like he was re-enacting porn scenes.
Anyone slept with a friend and felt like this? I know everyone is different but just passing the time while I wait for him to wake up and see how we both feel.
Edit; thank you for all the insightful remarks I can’t spend anymore time answering them. I don’t often post here but today has been an eye opener from fun, reflective and thoroughly rude and judgmental remarks. It’s surprising how many people (men) think that by posting you had consensual relations with a trusted partner you would now want sexual conversations over DM’s. For all his faults (not the sex) my friend is far better than these men.