Relationship advice (F31) with (M36)

Apology for the length post…..

I’m 30 and he is 36, I met him through tinder in 2016. After going out on dates with couple guys I felt that with him was different. Somehow we were able to connect well and that was when I decided to give him a chance to go on more dates. But months later I found out that he apparently had a long distance gf in Malaysia. They already dated for more than 7 years. I found out about his relationship through Facebook with the help of my colleague. He apparently had block me on Facebook to hide his relationship status. Even though I knew about it I confronted him directly and he did not denied. He told me they were together for 7 years but both couldn’t settle down because he made a huge mistake during their relationship. He lost a chance to start a life earlier in the relationship with her because he was in a huge debt due to gambling issue. And either of them could move to country to settle. After knowing the story, I told myself it’s time to end it. But he kept coming back reaching out to me and I eventually fall even deeper. I choose to stay hoping he could change his mind. (I know this is what we shouldn’t do) The closer we get the more I know more about his problem. He became very open to talk about everything it’s like no secret between each other, to the point where he started to borrow money from me. Yes, when money comes in between the relationship you know that money will hurt the relationship one day. But to me I was just trying to help me solve his problem. This kept going back and forth for months but eventually I was able to ask him to settle his debt and gambling issues. (FYI I did not pay his debt) that’s when I thought I did something right. Finally I thought i was able to change him.

Though money related issue was solved, his relationship with his gf still continue till one day he told me he officially broke up with her ending that 8/9 years relationship. I thought this would be our start. So we would still go out watch movie have dinner just like normal couple but without intimacy in public. We became very comfortable with each other, whenever he came over we would just lay in bed and chill and talk watch movie together or even cook together. However, good things didn’t last long. He came back to me crying saying that he can’t end the relationship with her as he sees her in the future. But he already loved me while he loved her too. Never in my life I was so angry and frastured I was on the edge of hitting but I couldn’t do so.
From then on, we did not contact each other for quite sometime until..

One time he ask if he could borrowed money from me as he wants to get sneaker to flip for profit. (I believe it was yeezy) it was a small amount of money so i was gave in and since I knew he was still money issue, i told him that just sell the pair if u can get and keep the profit to youself. So I borrowed him money and told him to return after selling the extra pairs. Weeks goes by I did not get any update about it. But again he started to ask if he can borrow money. I hesitate to give and turns out he lied. He use the money to fall into the trap of gambling, making soccer bets etc. My trust towards this guys just shattered. I was that girl who help you get out of it and yet you lied. I did not know what had come into my mind but the first thing I did was to message his current gf and ask her if she can return the money he borrowed. And of course I told her the truth that he’s been cheating on her for quite sometime with me. I was telling myself that since you broke my trust let me break your relationship so you can hate me for doing that and we both moved on from each other. And yes he found out about it he was mad and curse me and I thought finally this is how you end things just by hating each other.

I thought we both could hate each other but turns out both of us still seek one another. We would still see each other he would still stay over. Till one day he told me he already had a new gf this is when I knew I wasn’t in the picture all along. That’s when I knew it’s the end of us. So we didn’t contact one another. 2 years later… he message me saying he dreamt about me and also informing me that he changed number. And I asked him if he still in relationship and he said it is complicated me and her are just like accompany. And that he misses me and wants to meet me. And just like that we met up for the first time after 2 years. Everything felt the same like as if it’s the same nothing has changed. However while we are in the midst of our intimacy moments something just didn’t click. (Probably because we drank and that alcohol made a guy harder to get hard) and we ended up just laying in bed and started a heart to heart conversation. It was then I confronted with him if he was still in a rs and he said he was but it’s a accompany feels. And that he still love me and misses me during the past 2 years we didn’t meet up a part of me is still with him that he can’t let it go. But he also can’t picture us together maybe because i am more wealthy am also very capable with life. He doesnt want to commit because hes afraid to loose me as a person like he did with his ex even though he is comfortable with me like he can be himself. He doesn’t understand why his heart is saying all this. I did try to go on dates during the 2 years but something is still missing and result me staying single. I thought my heart was ready but apparently I wasn’t.

I tried to move on during the 2 years but i felt like im lieing to myself if i said i moved on. I asked if he still want to meet me and he said yes but I am not sure if there will be another one after our first meet up after 2 years. What should I do? How do you fix 2 people loving one another at the wrong time?