Firstly, it’s important to say that i don’t want him to change if he doesn’t want to. And for me isn’t a good reason.
When we met, i wasn’t attracted by my now boyfriend as he’s totally not my type and, it will be pretty rude to say, but i found him pretty ugly at this time. But, as we talked, i found out that he was perfect otherwise : cute, kind, understanding and fun. I slowly began to fall in love with him and asked him to be my boyfriend After five years of friendship. I began to find him attractive.
AT first, our relationship was perfect but i’m a really insecure girl because of a lot of past trauma (grape and domestic violence) and it’s really hard to manage me daily. I’m aware i am tiring. My boyfriend started to be pretty harsh with his words without even knowing it. He immediatly apologies when i tell him he can’t says this To me (it’s his first relationship) but it damages my trust in us each Times. And so, two weeks ago he told me he would break up with me if suddenly i became ugly. It shocked me because it’s hurted me at first : “so my appearance is enough to make him break up?” And shortly After, i begun to think it was unfair, that i gave him a chance (and i didn’t regret it) even though i found him ugly, but he wouldn’t do the same? Worst, even when being with me, he wouldn’t love me anymore? And i returned to how i was seeing him at first : as an unattractive man.
To be honest, i feel like sh\*t. I’m disguted by myself to give this importance to looks. I talk with him about this feeling of unfairness and he apologiesed so i think we’re good ? But it doesn’t change that i’m not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. Lastly he began to complex about the same thing that make him unattractive to me (his thinness for example). I never told him i didn’t like that in him and i don’t know what to do. My morals want me to help him accepts himself as he is, but maybe it is a chance for me to find him attractive again? Obviously i will NOT feed his complex or “validate” them.
(English isn’t my mother tongue, sorry if it’s poorly written)