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This guy is super introverted. He doesn’t initiate calls but is otherwise great in person and calls/messages me back. I don’t really message him though because I hate waiting for a text back.
Is there a world where he’s actually interested and serious but just painfully shy?
So I mentioned yesterday I had a second date with a woman and she already want a third and hinted a a fourth. I had a another first date with a woman the day after my first with the…first and she asked about a second. Now I have a problem I never thought I would have had. It feels super wrong to have the second woman just “on the bench” so to speak. My work schedule doesn’t give me much time with one let alone two. Both women seem great and I’d like to get to know both better but it feels icky thinking about stringing anyone along.
I’m overthinking something and would appreciate feedback. The guy I’m dating long distance and I have had several talks recently about better communication. I’m a frequent texter and appreciate semi-regular phone calls and he’s the type of person who doesn’t like being glued to his phone (slower responses to text, etc.) He’s been pretty open about my feedback on communication and indicates a desire to try to meet in the middle.
He had a very frustrating couple of days, which he expressed to me last night via text. When I sent my goodnight text I told him to give me a call today if he got a chance. He responded saying that today was a “wild card” day with his schedule and that he kind of wants to “throw his phone in the river” and just focus on all the other stuff he has to catch up on. He ended the text saying he’d “touch base” with me today or tomorrow.
(He also included in the text that he wanted me to sleep well and said he missed me.)
Am I right to think that he meant that he didn’t want to communicate at all today? We typically exchange good morning and good night texts along with other random updates/how was your day type stuff in between.
I responded this morning saying I was sorry he was frustrated/stressed, and he should do what he needs to do; that I didn’t have anything specifically to talk about and was suggesting a casual chat if he had the time. I wished him a productive day catching up on things.
I *think* he was trying to communicate to me that he didn’t want to be on his phone today and that it wasn’t personal, but I also am unsure if there’s more to it and I should be concerned if he doesn’t respond.
DOT, I am a gullible idiot.
The guy I have been dating who is constantly too tired/too busy to see me once again told me that he was too tired to see me on Saturday and had no energy to go out.
A friend invited me out dancing, so I decided to go out to have some fun and forget about this.
Guess who I saw out partying at the club?
I feel so stupid because it had never occurred to me that he was just lying to me this whole time. My heart is crushed and I am so sad and I feel like a chump.
Does something happen for men between the ages of 26-35 that makes them stop being interested in women in their 30’s? It’s absolutely uncanny the number of men in their late 20’s who are interested in me when I have been explicit about having 0 interest in someone under 35. Everyone I’ve found interest in within my age range is either suddenly unavailable or lacks a personality. It’s funny, but also disheartening.
Just turned notifications off, muted the guys I’m talking to! I can’t deal with the anxiety of waiting for them to reply when they take hours even days. I understand they have a life and I’m not even part of it and I’m being unreasonable. So I’m working on it. Hope it helps although I keep checking anyway 😥 I miss not talking to anyone just having a peaceful boring life. I’m trying to go back to it
I’m resolved to focus on and improve myself, getting rid of my anxious-preoccupied mindset and making healthier choices, with mixed results but I have faith in my iterative process.
The deeper I get into it, though, the more I’m plagued by a desire to tell her about it, to want her by my side cheering me on, discussing strategies. Learning and observing more about me, and why it _wouldn’t_ have been me-saving-her or her-saving-me.
I’m also resolved not to let others’ rejection get to me – though it’s tough when that keeps happening even inadvertently, lol. (Making efforts to reach out more socially and they keep getting scuppered – stop raining, universe! – so now I’m doubling up my plans with errands I was planning on running _anyway_.)
:sigh:
I could use some advice on the not-thinking-about-her-when-I-want-to-share-successes-with piece though, and the ‘not feeling generally rejected’ piece (I’ll revisit stoicism).
I don’t really know anyone I’d want to tell _as much_ as a partner. Friends and family are… okay, in this regard, but it’s not the same.
! 🤔
(Hypothesis: Building a secure self that doesn’t _need_ her means that for anything I’d need or want to share with an SO, I should be able to find an equivalently-satisfying action that doesn’t leave me restless. Thus, secure-me *would* be able to have a relationship with a DA, and I have another measure by which I can gauge whether or not I’m secure in myself yet. Interesting.)
A friend texted me late last night after I’d already gone to bed inviting me to go out, and I thought “fuck it” and went. I’m glad I did, it was a good time and it was nice to have some fun to take the edge off whatever the fuck is going to happen with my gf when she gets here in an hour.
I assume I will be back later today with a sad update 🤷♀️
Been a wonderful 2.5 months so far! We had our first ‘fight’ on Sat but he asked to talk through it immediately which impressed me no end. Spent the whole weekend together and had the best time.
So frustrated. Twice recently I’ve matched with people who have put they’re seeking a monogamous relationship tell me after speaking with them that they’re actually looking for Poly/ENM. Is that just bad luck, or is that a thing now? If they can’t be up-front about what they’re looking for, how do they plan to be honest in an open relationship?
Also tired of matching with women who assume because of the way I’m look I’m kink friendly (I don’t claim to be on my profile) with no boundaries. I don’t want you to cut me open, I don’t want to beat you, and neither of us are urinating…
Not a strong weekend.
If you are the kind of person who would get upset that your partner didn’t consult you first before buying matching aprons then you are the problem in the relationship. In my opinion!
I think the reason why am still hung up on him is bc i have unresolved anger towards him. Hope this will resolve itself sooner than later. Haha.
Has anyone done a *F*ck the Small Talk* event? Apparently they’re offered in cities worldwide.
I received an invite, but it’s on a night I normally have an activity happening. I’m wondering if it’s worth passing up to go?
Had a great connection and then had an even more amazing irl date, but was told it wasn’t a match. I just want all of this to be over with…
I came back to the apps about a month ago now after taking some time off from dating last year. It was a rough start after being ghosted by someone I was really interested in getting to know further. It definitely stung because they hadn’t said or done anything to indicate their interest wasn’t mutual. I initially got back on not really having a care in the world about what happened, but then this person hooked me and suddenly I did care.
Moving forward after that, I thought okay, I think I do want to be intentional about this, but now I’m questioning that again. I think I want to go back to the not caring what happens attitude and just have fun with it. I’m afraid being intentional puts too much pressure on myself and the disappointment amplified when things don’t go well.
I’ve been on a couple dates since. One I wasn’t interested in and politely let him know afterwards. The other was actually someone I knew from high school. We had a great time, laughed, and reminisced. We agreed we’d like to hang out again in the future, but I think it’s more friends vibes and I’m happy that we reconnected.
Today, I have a date with someone, who hasn’t explicitly said it, but I get the vibes he’s looking for something more casual. I’m debating, assuming we vibe well in person, if I’m open to that. Ya girl just kinda wants to get laid lol. I already feel a level of detachment from this person, at least in the sense of I’m not hopeful that it will turn into something more or the giddy feelings I get when I’m excited about someone. Not sure if that makes sense, but I think I’m in the mindset of this could simply just be fun and nothing more. I’ve just not been one to do casual much in the past, so I think it would be important to define things from the start.
I feel like maybe I’m finally reaching the more carefree attitude about being on the apps. I think I lost myself a bit in the beginning and got caught up in a fantasy. I feel more grounded in reality now and back to myself, which is nice.
Just reminding myself that I do very well in life when I’m single. I go through a cycle post-split where I feel a bit panicked like, oh wow I’m never gonna find anyone else, and this (along with the comfort of familiarity) is a big part of what’s driven me to try over and over again with exes. Working on breaking that cycle for good. There’s a lot to look forward to at this time of year, so I find it’ll be easier to focus on that.
Also resolved to not get back on the apps once I am feeling ready to date. It’s the main way to date these days, but I just hate the BS that comes with it. And I’ll be blunt and say as a soon to be 37 year old who’s childfree, I’ll be out of a lot of folks’ filters anyway. So I don’t see the point in even trying that avenue anymore.
This feels like the start of my longest stretch of life as a single adult. And I don’t mind it.
Just had to break off a 9 month relationship because the coke usage and insecurities became overwhelming. I had nothing left in the tank to give. I am ok, but experiencing intrusive thoughts that I’ll never find someone who loves me the same way she did. It’s confusing and I need time to heal.
Where are the men who are actually interested in a relationship? I just had another seemingly promising one end with a “I like you and enjoy spending time together but I don’t want a relationship” after a couple months. I’ve always been honest about what I’m looking for but not trying to rush into stuff and understand early days of dating is to figure out if you’re compatible so they’re entitled to break things off but it’s confusing to me when things otherwise seem to be going well, if you like someone and want to spend time with them what else do they think a relationship is? And why pursue me when they must know from the start that we don’t want the same things?
Couldn’t help myself, had to show him where I hid the surprise gift. Turns out he didn’t open that door and wouldn’t have until today (maybe), oops.
He did appreciate and like the gift though! He ended up giving me a little surprise too and hid it in the kitchen, but we actually really had plans for cooking so of course I found it right away. He joked saying “we’re even now and at least I put it somewhere you would find it!” Lol.
The one poly couple I know posted a story recently asking where ethical non monogamy came from because if you’re in an open relationship, isn’t that automatically ENM? Like what’s the opposite? Unethical? That’s not poly. I thought it was very interesting to think about!
Had a hookup that went great. He complimented me several times which is not something that usually happens, and something which I desperately needed to have, and TMI but easily best orgasm of my life.
Afterwards he didn’t rush me to leave, we cuddled and talked for a while, he was really easy to chat with and he laughed at my jokes in sincerity.
When I left he texted me after saying how good it was and that we should do it again soon.
I have really, really needed a win for a long time and this has been a very positive experience. Whilst I’m looking for a monogamous LTR it was very reassuring to hookup with someone who clearly and vocally enjoyed spending time with me which I haven’t had from a guy in a very long time. Yeh, it’s not my end goal but it’s encouraging to feel like I’m not totally repulsive to every guy out there, and potentially actually desirable to a small number of them. Again, it’s nice to have a win.
Started online dating again. My luck that the promising matches I’ve had that I’ve connected the most with conversationally are out of my province and 2+hrs away. With one in particular we’ve moved the conversation off app, and have been talking daily for the last week.
Starting a relationship long distance is not an ideal situation for me, but I do feel a strong connection so far with this guy and am tempted to see if the chemistry in person holds. On the other hand I’m conflicted and have practical feelings of ‘what’s the point of meeting if neither is likely to close the distance’ (way too soon to make such presumptions, but still). Anyone started a relationship long distance via app and found it fulfilling?
I am planning on recreating my Hinge account within the next couple of days. Over the years, it is the app I have had the most success on, so hopefully it works again.
Why am I so scared to tell my girlfriend I love her? We’ve been together for two months and I want to tell her but I get nervous she won’t say it back or things will change after I do if she doesn’t feel the same. Idk what to do
How do you respond when person A ask if im free on a certain date but im already booked to going on a date with person B. There is no talk of being exclusive with person A and I assume he’s also seeing/talking to other people. However, person A would ask what I’m busy doing either on the day of or when we meet next (happened before, but i was going on date with anyone. I was actually busy with personal things/errands). Part of me would like to be truthful and say “I’m going on a dinner date” but the other me feels I’m blunt. We’ve only gone to a couple (person a) of dates and I feel unsure about him still, I’m still trying to get to know him better.
Shower-thought about last night:
Woman I’d been on a couple dates with from my most recent attempt at OLD commented curiously about a quote/quip from a TV show (“The Good Place”) that I made on date number 3 and asked if I’d like to introduce her to the show. She said she had heard of it before and it looked right up her alley, so I obliged and we made plans to watch it at my place last night.
She came over, we watched. She scoffed and complained about nearly *every* plot point, character statement and happenstance before we even made it through the first episode.
Which was kind of annoying? Not in a “how dare you say this about one of my favorite tv shows” kind of way, but more in a “….is this really how you’re going to be if we have another night end to just chill and watch a movie?”
Hm.
Is wanting kids/a family really that crazy?
I (M30) feel like I’m at such an odd age. My friends are mostly older than me (35-40) and married with 1-2 kids. I spent my 20s very involved in my career and building a great stable home, both financially and emotionally, to support a family. This was likely a subconscious response to growing up in a single mother home.
Now I’m 30 and cannot WAIT to start a family, but dating hasn’t really went anywhere. Surprisingly, I’ve either found women that are 1) still into going out and getting wasted at bars every weekend, which while I’m not a prude that doesn’t enjoy a social drink, I also am done being a hung over college kid. or 2) so into their careers that they either don’t want kids or not for a long while.
I’d like to think I’m average physically attractive, decently fit, and above average in emotionally intelligence. Not to mention I try my best to be witty and charming too! What’s the trick to finding a woman who’s equally motivated/excited for life, and wants kids?
Also big important thing to note, I’m even open to a blended family! I’d look at a woman with existing children as a blessing, and fit into their life however they’d like. If the kid has a great and supportive dad, but it just didn’t work out with the mom but they coparent well, great! If the dad is completely out of the picture and the kid needs a great father figure/role model, also great! I’m just looking to have a loving family, provide experiences, and live the dream haha, is that too much to ask for?
Any ladies care to explain what this is:
What I’m looking for: “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
I’m seeing this a lot now, and I get the old school man taking the lead thing, but I’m also not looking for a dependent that’s a grown adult who thinks I’m just going to take care of everything.
Stayed over at her place for the first time, and I’m meeting one of her friends groups this week, also for the first time. It’s looking a little bit more serious:) 🤞I’m just riding that wave of positivity lately 😊 my efforts and patience seem to have paid off
I went on a first date with a really nice guy last night! Now because he was nice and seemed genuinely interested, I’m questioning what could possibly be wrong with him hahaha. I have a feeling he might not have finished his undergrad degree, but he has a full-time job and seems intelligent. He mentioned some anxiety, but who doesn’t have anxiety. He asked for my number at the end of the date, and didn’t try any funny business outside of giving me a hug (and holding my hand on the table like the last 15 minutes – it was cute). We’ll see – he made it clear he wants to see me this week.
4 days since the last time the love of my life sent me a bunch of texts from a new number harassing and hurting me. If we make it through tomorrow it will be the longest stretch since it started.
I hate that the biggest, most prominent feeling is the hope that she’ll stop and apologize and try to make it better. I always felt in our relationship she never would chase me, or go out of her way to make things better when she did something wrong, so in reality it likely won’t happen. But it seems like all the people in my life have been having relationship issues the last few weeks and over the last few days I’ve seen their partners pull out awesome wins and it makes me want it even more. She’s been absolutely horrible to me, and I know I should accept that as what the situation is now and find a way to be indifferent to her. But I can’t help but want to see her through all of the hurt. I miss her. I just want my best friend back. I’m so bored, tired, empty and unengaged.
Am I just objectively wrong to feel this way? Is there a mechanism to apply to be able to just stop feeling this way, and should I on principle?
So first date with this guy is on for today. We where supposed to be doing something on Friday but he had to schedule, and he did seem genuine about it. He did apologise and immediately make plans for today so I believe him. He seems like a nice guy and I’m looking forward to it. Our messages have been a bit dry. There hasn’t been that much back and forth, flirty or otherwise, that I normally have with guys, but that’s fine! Everyone is different I guess.
Lets see how it goes!
Had three dates over the last few weeks with a guy that I felt had the potential to be a healthy long-term connection. Conversation flowed well, some common interests with some differences, seemingly equal curiosity about the other person, and when we kissed it just seemed to WORK. Our dates lasted hours but felt like they flew by. I liked him quite a bit while reminding myself that it is still early and that I don’t really know him yet. We didn’t have sex but I was getting to the point where I was excited for when we would get there.
I initiated the first date, and the subsequent two dates. At the end of the third date, he complimented me on my choice in restaurant to which I replied “Thank you! I would really love it if you chose the place for our next date”. He agreed and asked if I had been to a certain restaurant, I replied that I had but I loved it and wouldn’t mind going there again. He replied “I’m not saying that’s where it’s going to be, but it’s definitely an option under consideration.” We left and I was happy with the direction things seemed to be moving.
It’s now been a week and even though we’ve been texting, he hasn’t done anything more to plan a date or try to see me again and I am resigning myself to this not working for me. I really liked him in person but I just cannot fall into the same pattern where things only move forward when I keep my foot pressed on the gas pedal. I have to believe that men exist who I am interested in, are interested in me and willing to put in equal effort to see each other but I’ve never experienced it. Proud of myself for letting this turn me off instead of spurring me into further action – I clearly told him what I needed and if he isn’t willing to plan a date after I planned three, then this isn’t going to work for me.
Okay I have updates!!! Despite trying to multi date, I have failed. First of all the vast majority of people I have tried to schedule flaked on me. So so so annoying. But then I met this guy who was very awkward and plain on our first date. But I decided to try again bc I figured he was nervous. And he’s still awkward and plain but in a funny way? Anyways it’s been 4 dates now and he’s really growing on me. At first I was like, I’m not sure if I’m having fun bc of him or just bc I’m fun and I like myself and am amused by what I have to say. But then I realized like, he just gives me a soundboard to be as wacky as I want and he is also amused by it so we’re both just having fun. And I love it! I’ve had a horrible cough so physically we didn’t go anywhere last night but he did sleep at my house. And I was sad that he left. I want to take it to the next level the next time I see him. And if it goes well then gosh he might just be mine! Lol
Hi all, 32M here dating a 32F with past trauma. We went on our fifth date yesterday and it was wonderful. However, for the past 1.5 months the physical intimacy hasn’t been there. I’ve never been in a situation going on five dates where there’s chemistry and theres no kissing. At the end of our fourth date, I asked if it was okay to kiss and she said the cheek was okay. I was happy to do that.
I have asked if she was still interested a couple times and she’s reassured me that it’s only because of a bad situationship with an emotionally abusive and manipulative guy a year ago. She’s taking longer, in her own words, to feel safe and protected. She’s never been in a relationship and said that in the past she struggled with intimacy and guys wondering if she was interested.
To be clear, I’m happy to wait, yet a small part of me continues to wonder if I’m doing something wrong and I’ve shared that with her. I want to be supportive but I just don’t know if I’m doing the right things. I’ve overlooked a lot of things like her taser accidentally going off on our second date, which has become our inside joke now. I met her sister yesterday, too.
All of our dates have gone great and we vibe well. What would should I do?
Rant / “Dont fall in love with me” is not an aswer.
I’ve only had relationships w men 5-10 yrs older than me. My Gfs tell me young is great; they’re more in touch, can handle successful woman, etc. So, I finally gave it a go. Its fun (ish) but I find myself feeling mostly annoyed with a side of highschool ptsd. Ngl we jumped straight to sex, but we’d met before & knew of the other. When he initiated 2nd meeting. I said let’s make some rules & boundaries for what we are doing -non exclusive sex to potential relationship- to keep safe the physical, mental & emotional health of ourselves & each other. Younger man (29) responds “Don’t fall in love with me.” with I’m guessing was his serious face & nig cow eyes looking up at me. Long pause (bc Idk how to respond to that & still don’t) then he initates sex. What did that even mean?! Was that supposed to be hot, a criptic warning, Idk! I (39) felt that I was in high school again trying to decode the emo boy’s reason for playing Girlfriend in a Coma to seduce me. Any thoughts? I’m at a loss. I could like this person too. Yes, I know probably doomed it by jumping into sex & not defining rules from day 1 for which I’ve no defense beyond wanting to get laid at the time.
I (38F never married no kids) am SO TIRED of going on first dates. I wish one of these guys would work out. I feel like I’m meeting various types of men but they all result in the same thing, me sitting at home with my dog. 😂
I was ghosted for the first time and is honestly shocking. Me and this guy had a great time, he would text me constantly tell me how into me he was, wanting to see me more, and would constantly verbalize how great he thinks i am. I was very confused because it was my first date after a long term relationship and something was telling me not to believe him but i did. Anyways we were mid text conversation and he just stopped responding. A couple days later he unfollowed me on instagram and I’m guessing this is it and he’s too coward to say something. I’m trying not to be too bummed about it but he did and said things that just had me fooled.
I also left something at his place that i really want back ugh.