Throwaway as to not doxx myself.
So, we (me – M 32 and a colleague – F 26) met at a company conference two years ago and immediately hit it off great. Talked a lot and hanged out a lot during these two days. We exchanged numbers and went out a few times in a few weeks after that but she always brought someone with her (her sister or some friend) and she didn’t initiate any of the meets or conversations so I figured she didn’t like me that way. I also wasn’t sure if I liked her like that or more as a friend so I didn’t try to pursue anything in that direction.
We continued to go out together sometimes and whenever we see each other we spend a lot of time together (a few hours at least). But still out of like 50-60 times we went somewhere together, she initiated maybe 3-4 times, and texting is almost exclusively for arranging the meets and we were meeting alone also maybe 3 or 4 times. We don’t see each other that much at work because it’s a large company and we don’t work in the same neighborhood and rarely work on same projects.
She was in a relationship with another colleague until a few months ago that lasted for maybe 5 or 6 months. During that time we still hanged out the same way, but a little less often.
We went out clubbing 2 months ago and that was the only time we have seen each other after they broke up and she also brought a male friend that time. I invited her for a beer a month ago but she was on a vacation so I said I want a beer invitation when she gets back. She didn’t follow up on that up until this week when we had to be on the same meeting. A few hours before the meeting she sends a text asking if I’m coming to the meeting or connecting online and invited me for a coffee if I’m coming.
As soon as she saw me before the meeting she went in for a hug in front of 20-30 other colleagues and said something like “It’s really wonderful to see you.” which is not a usual thing to say in my language if you really don’t feel it and I don’t remember her saying anything like that to me before. We do hug every time when we see each other privately but she never did that in the workplace before. And she was dressed really great for the occasion. Not the kind of outfit that she usually wears to work.
We went for a coffee after the meeting and she did invite other colleagues when we were leaving but the vibe of the invite was sort of “please don’t accept” at least it felt like that to me. This wasn’t a long coffee because I had to get back to my office but we had a very nice conversation.
I invited her to a party of the music we like in a few weeks and she immediately said she will probably go with me. On thursday I found out about another party that was on friday and invited her to come along. She said she’ll see if she’ll be tired because she had to work a few hours overtime.
After she was done she said that she’ll probably pass but that she still wanted to see me before I went there. I was with another male friend having coffee in a cafe and we wanted to go home soon because I wanted to get my stuff home before I went out and he had to go home too. I told her we could meet but in a few hours.
She then said that’s too late for her, can I stay a little longer so she could come there now (she was nearby). I agreed and she did come. My other friend went home soon and we stayed alone and really had fun and talked a lot (and drank a lot). I did invite some other male friends (around the same age as me) to that party beforehand and they all said they’ll come. They did come to the cafe and we all hanged out together and had fun.
During the conversations I said to her something along the lines of :”You’re really a super friend to me…” and the other part is too detailed to again not doxx myself (but was kind of a joke, and not an offensive one). She did smile but it was a weird smile. Now that I think of it, she might think she’s friendzoned because of that. Eventually, she agreed to go to the party with us and we were all noticeably drunk.
We all had fun on the party and went home afterwards. Today one of my friends that went out with us told me that he and her had kissed and made out that night and that he wants me to give him her number. I told him that will ask her about that, and give it if she agrees. He is also my best friend since elementary school. That is not usual for her to do, we partied a lot together and I never heard or saw her making out with someone she just met.
When he said it, the thought immediately came to my head “I don’t want that!” because the way he said it made me think he only wants her for sex. I really care about both of them and am trying to figure out what to do. I am also unsure if I feel that way because I want to protect her or because I’m falling for her. She has been on my mind more since I saw her on monday and am unsure how I feel. She’s really been a good friend despite the lack of initiation from her part. I don’t want him to hurt her or that she stops being my friend because of something he does. I also don’t want to hurt our friendship if I try something and she rejects me. I really care about her and we do have a great connection and chemistry together. In a hypothetical situation where I had to choose someone I know to spend the rest of my days with, I’d choose her in a matter of seconds. Every time I see her she makes me smile, and I feel really happy around her. Is it possible she kissed him out of spite because she thinks she’s friendzoned?
Because knowing her, if she genuinely liked him she would already give him her number, or ask me for his. She also acted a little different around me this last two times we saw each other. I don’t really know what to do.
Please help me decide what to do. I don’t want to lie to either of them. And is there a way to be sure if I love her that way? I have been single for quite sometime but am not the person to just go into a relationship for the sake of having a relationship, but I think this also might influence my feelings towards her and what happened.
Edit: some typos..