would appreciate advice or insights about my situation, i just wish i could have someone to talk to
context: i’m currently 17 and live with my family, i stopped going to public school at 15 due to mental health reasons at the time and being isolated. but now i’m even more isolated than ever, i wouldn’t consider my family a real one, no one actually cares and the only thing holding us together is genetics. so i literally only have myself. i feel like my lack of social experience is going to effect me negatively in the future. i’ve had a few friends in the past but they ended. i don’t know why but my schoolmates felt like they needed to make condescending remarks, or completely pretend i didn’t exist. some boys would even kick/hit me for no reason?? something about me provokes people when they don’t know anything about me, i never speak. maybe because i’m quiet so people assumed things. i feel like there’s a possibility that i’ll never make friends or even experience romantic love. i’m not outgoing and when i do leave my house it’s to go to art stores or to go on a walk, i have a very bad rbf so i’m practically unapproachable. not that anyone would have a reason to randomly approach me anyway, i’m content with my own company and usually an optimist when it comes to everything but my social life. i wouldn’t take the initiative to randomly approach a stranger to potentially be friends. but i want to connect with people on a deep level, i want to have a real connection with at least one person but i don’t know how. how do people make friends organically in my situation? how am i even suppose to find like-minded people? i’ve had jobs working in the public but they suck the life out of me, all the fake interactions are so draining, so i started a business and work from home. i don’t know if i’ll ever find anyone, i don’t want to be alone but i can’t imagine a future any other way. i feel like my inexperience could make me an easy target to the wrong people, but i also have a hard time trusting people in the first place. i just want to go on adventures and experience the whimsies of the world with a person and there’s no one. i don’t want anything negative or superficial. sometimes i sink into my own mind and doubts that this life is unattainable. i know that’ll only be true if i believe it is, i know i can connect with people i just don’t know how.