Hi.
In the last few months I’ve been building up my self esteem and confidence, and I’m starting to notice that one of my close friends is rubbing me the wrong way.
She has this tendency to make very subtle put-down comments and claims to be a very “keeping it real and honest” type of friend which actually comes out w her being rude and judgmental.
We have been friends for 3 years and I’ve never had any serious issues w her and usually just ignored anything that bothered me. But lately I’ve been feeling annoyed and kind of hurt w her tendencies, and feel less close with her.
Is this normal? I can’t tell if this is just a side effect of me growing some spine and not tolerating rude comments OR if this is just me being over reactive?
Examples:
– the other day I ran into her and her friend and after we talked on the phone and she goes “yeah that’s so awkward. I would never introduce you two normally bc you’re both so awkward and it would just be me talking” maybe a year ago a comment like that wouldn’t have bothered me but when I heard this the other day I got offended.. cus I’m like damn I’m not that awkward, and even if I was, that’s a very put-down way of saying it.
– we talked about seeing a movie together and then then a couple of weeks later I texted her asking about the movie and she said she’s busy seeing it with other people that night. I got upset, and she told me I was overreacting.
– a while ago I told her I thought I was autistic (I’m not. And have attributed my social and confidence issues to ADHD, CPTSD, and intense social anxiety) but anyway I keep trying to tell her I’m not autistic but she will make subtle put downs like “yeah honestly you do things that bother me a lot but I don’t think much of it cus I just attribute it to your tism” and I got offended bc… we were friends for 2 years before I even mentioned that I THOUGHT I had tism… so what was she using to explain away the things that bother her before??
I’m just not sure. But I sometimes don’t feel respected. Especially in the last few months that I’ve been working on my social anxiety and meeting new friends and feeling like I’m treated much better by other people who don’t do subtle put downs.