My partner (24/ non-binary he/they) recently slipped out that he might be asexual and I asked if they might be demisexual and they replied by saying “oh yeah definitely demisexual” as if that isn’t important information to give your partner when you know?!. I (26 /genderfluid/they/them)have a high sex drive and libido and don’t know what to do.
We have been dating for almost 5 years now and I swear months go by where there is no sexual contact at all. Like every other aspect of the relationship is good but without the sexual connection I feel so lonely.
The one time in the last six months I tried to touch them in a sexual way to initiate something they said with disgust in their voice “why are you so horny” like they have made me feel like im the freak in the situation for desiring a normal and healthy sex life. I feel like I got manipulated into a sexless lifestyle.
I try masturbating but it just makes me feel sadder and lonelier. It’s not the real thing. Like I can’t even get off because any time i try to touch myself I feel gross and perverted. I want to cry. I feel so lonely. I feel like such a bad person that they aren’t enough for me on their own but I never ever wanted to be in a relationship with a person I can’t connect with and match sexual energy because that’s a major aspect of what I need in a relationship.
I also am disabled and not able to work a normal job really so I financially depend on this person and they put a roof over my head and make sure rent is paid but my sexual needs are literally never satisfied. I do all of the chores and cooking and I am tense I wish they wanted to touch me sexually and talk to me sexually but it definitely does not seem natural for them.
I am starting to have nearly constant maladaptive daydreams and intricate fantasies and it’s getting in the way of living my life. I want someone to actually be horny for me. Crave me in a sexual way. Not someone who could take it or leave it and almost always leaves it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave this relationship and I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex obviously. But it makes me wish someone did want to.
I feel like I’m missing and repressing a massive part of who I am (I am literally so horny and it’s making me feel like I’m perverted or broken or a bad person because I am not satisfied living this way.)
it’s been building up in me for nearly five years now and I just feel so fucking sad. I don’t even feel attracted to myself anymore. I feel like I’ve lost a huge part of who I am and my sexual identity. I feel like such a bad person for developing crushes on other people despite being in a loving (but sexless) relationship.
It also hurts me that they have went on to inform me that they masturbate a lot sometimes even next to me in bed while I sleep. They even said they’ve masturbated at work. I feel so much anger and resentment and absolutely despise that they told me this knowing they never touch me.
I guess I am just seeking any validation or advice or criticisms? I don’t know how to move forward I feel stuck. I know I need to have a follow up conversation with my partner but I am terrified. Am I sexually broken or perverted for having so many sexual urges? Am I a bad person for desperately wanting someone to fuck me because my partner doesn’t? How do I even begin to facilitate this discussion. I don’t want to keep holding resentment towards my best friend/partner because my needs are unmet.
[TL:DR] My partner of nearly 5 years (24/ non binary) said they are definitely demisexual and maybe asexual and I’m devastated. I thought I would spend forever with this person. I still want to. They kept having excuses for why we weren’t having sex for long periods of time.
(I am 26/genderfluid) I love my partner dearly but I am completely touch starved and feel like a huge part of my identity has been repressed.even when we would have sex aspects of it felt uncomfortable. I need someone to actually desire me and not feel disgust after the rare occasion that we have sex. I never feel sexually desired. I am lonely desperate and don’t know what to do tbh. I’m also financially dependent on this person.